A Veteran with PTSD

Living with PTSD


Well it is another day of work. The weekend has passed we all look forward to the next time we have off from work, to bad when you are in a combat zone there is not a lot if any at all time you have off and can let your guard down.

One thing while I was overseas that got me hot under the collar was the command would not get our mail but only 2 or 3 days a week. That really sucked because when you had a rough day out in the field and looking to come back to something from home and they didn’t get it yet really sucked. Yet, the command wanted you to go out on missions every single day. It just didn’t make since to me and still don’t, I guess that is what a shitty command does for you.

What is funny is how business back home cannot offer a veterans discount, yet they have a sign in their window or something saying that they support the military and such. Or they only offer it on certain days of the year. Man I wish I only had to go to a combat zone a couple days out of the year. What is the use of saying you support the military and brag about this and that on it? If you cannot show support all year round? You are going to say because they hire veterans. You know why a lot of places hire veterans? It is because they get a tax break for hiring veterans every year. It is not to support the veteran that is just a spin they put on it. The real reason is they get a dang tax break every year for it.

Some of you are going to also say I don’t deserve a discount. So does the company that hires a veteran do they deserve a tax break for hiring a veteran?

Well for some reason writing is a little rough today. So I will end this hear.

God Bless

Keep fighting the fight

Never give up

Together we can save lives #TWCSL

Ok, another burr under my skin.

I work near a county jail. I take Hero for a walk past it a few times a day.

Every freaking time I walk past I hear this banging. It is people trying to get attention of others on the outside so they can “talk.”

Well dang it last time I checked you were in jail for a reason.

They have visiting hours for a reason.

It is not do what you want while you are in jail. You are supposed to be punished.

If you ask me, people that get caught doing this should get an extra week and go up from there the more they do it.

And the ones on the outside should spend a week also. This is just crazy, what’s the point of them being in jail?

They should also paint the windows black. Sorry if people want to abuse the privilege of seeing the outside world, everyone shall suffer.

When I was in Iraq, I didn’t get a TV, visitation, rec time, 3 hot meals or a cot half the time.

So I say, hey you are in prison you do as I say. Want to riot? Fine with me. We shoot to kill if you disobey. We should make the prisons less cushion and more actual hard time. Beat those rocks for fun. Move that big rock over there and back. I don’t care what it is, lets hook them all together in a chain gang again.

I volunteered to serve my country.

Speaking of! Another thing has pissed me off; why the hell are we letting illegal immigrants serve in our great military as we kick out good soldiers to “down size.” The heck is up with that?

It makes me go back to my first post today. I served! I bleed! And I now come home to this shit?! You’ve got to be kidding me. What is this country coming to?

It hurts, suffering almost every day, trying to make it to the next day. Trying to deal with my PTSD or as some people like to refer to it, PTS, since they don’t want the disorder part on it. Then you look up and see what this country is becoming and it makes you wonder: Was it worth it? Why did I go and serve my country? Did I waste my time? I now suffer because of things that I saw and did and the people back home….do they actually care? Does it really matter to them?

We didn’t get treated as bad as the Vietnam veterans did when they came home. We didn’t come home to the mass gatherings and such. But there were protests; I did get spit on my very first steps outside Walter Reed Medical Center. But it was not as bad as others have faced, which I am thankful for.

I want to thank all the soldiers who came before me, who put so much on the line to let me live free.

Thank you to the ones who will come after me, for letting me stay free.

As for the ones who sit and don’t stand up and be thankful, well you’re a disgrace and I wish I could show you the exit door right out of this country. I am still trying to figure out what is worse, the ones who admit to it, the fakers who say they served or that they care. You all can just leave the country, leaving it to the good, honest, hard working, AMERICAN flag carrying, red white and blue blood pumping through our veins Americans and get the hell out! We don’t need you, and we certainly don’t want you.

It is dark out. It is raining.

I wish I got good sleep.

I think I have sinus issues, who the heck gets sinus issues when it is raining? Got post nasal drip going on, oh what fun it is. I feel like a duck, it has been raining here since last Fri if not longer, sorry can’t remember.

I think the lack of sleep makes the PTSD worse; then again the PTSD makes it where you can’t sleep. So it is a no win situation. I don’t think it is playing fair, it should not be allowed to play both sides of the fence. Can someone please teach it how to play fair and be nice?

Ok, I was just goofing around on that last part. Got to have a little humor every now and then, what is life without a good laugh once in a while? Then again if we didn’t have lows in life, how would we treasure the good times if we had nothing to compare them too. When we have a low spot in life we just need to do our best to remember the good times to help us pull through the bad ones.

I know it is easier said than done to remember the good times when you can barely think about the next second in your life. It is something I struggle with in life also, trying to think on the positive side. I wish there was something that I could say that would help you do it, but there really is not. What I can say is try different things and see which helps you out.

Let it be a picture that you carry around of a special moment, a place that just makes you smile. Or a note from that special someone that brings a smile to your face are just a few ideas. I can’t think of to many other ideas right now. So if someone has an idea please feel free to comment on http://avetwithptsd.com I actually encourage you to leave any type of comment, it sort of lets me know people are reading these things. There are times when I wonder if I should just stop posting stuff. It seems like it is the same people over and over commenting. So new people and new comments are always great to hear and see, if someone can send some sun and little less rain that would be great.

What is up with this Ebola stuff? Another one in TX!!! Why do we not shut down all the airplanes coming from Africa, and anyone from there in the past month put them in quarantine? I wonder how that photographer is doing raising funds for his medical bills. That still makes me shake my head and wonder what the heck is going on with some people.

I might make a video and go around and get pics and such of homeless veterans and such and put it up. See what people think then. Maybe not just veterans but any homeless person, there are even homeless CHILDREN!!! You think people would find a better place to donate money then to some idiots who go to a place knowing that the risk of catching a deadly virus is EXTREMELY HIGH!

It is hard for me, I love my country and would do anything for her. I go away to war. Then I come home and people act like they don’t care…

about the Veterans

about their own country

about themselves

I could go on but what is the point. I don’t want to hear it saying you all care. I asked for you to show me and you guys don’t. You can’t take 20min out of your day to make a video showing how you support a veteran and how you care. I don’t care about if you donate money. That is nothing, anyone can do that. This is really starting to tick me off. You say you don’t know how to load a video. So the smart guy that helps me out greatly with the website and everything posts something on how and still nothing.

What’s the use! This might be my last post ever. I feel like I am just talking to a wall and no one is really listening. Why should I keep banging my head against the wall? That is what it feels like to me right now.

Just go back all your excuses you want about why you support some idiot who got Ebola.

Don’t even dare give me some political bullshit either saying because of this and that you don’t do it, all that is a cop out and bullshit.

Go somewhere else and spew the bull about you support veterans and say you don’t need to prove it to anyone.

The point I am trying to get across is MONKEY SEE!!! MONKEY DO!!!

If people see you doing it maybe they will start doing it.

God Bless!

Stay Strong

Never give up.

Not sure if I will write for a while or ever again! Just ticked off right now.


Well it is Tuesday I think. Long night with little sleep, it seems like I fall asleep right before my alarm goes off and then I miss my alarm. Which really sucks, because then I have to run around quick to make it to work on time.

Since I woke up late my mind is not working just yet. So I am not sure what is going to come out of this post or what I will say. Hope it makes since. If not oh well deal with it.

I am not sure why I have not been sleeping well; I wish I could figure this out and deal with the issue. It is hard to deal with something when you have no clue what it is.

Everyone knows that October is breast cancer awareness month. Do a lot of people know when PTSD awareness month is? It is June. I wish we could make it where June and PTSD gets as much awareness as breast cancer does. I just think there are a lot of places that say they “help” veterans, well some do. But they are so spread out and not concentrated in one area that it is hard to get an organization to devote just to PTSD. But I think we need to make people more aware of this crazy debilitating issue.

Yeah it does not take as many lives as cancer and many other diseases. But I could be wrong on this but I will go out on a limb, and say this just does not affect just the person who has PTSD it affects everyone they come in contact with. There is an end to cancer, some of the time it is good and they recover and other times it is the other side of it. With PTSD there is only one side and that is end of life. There is no real recovery from it. At least not that I have found, yeah you can manage it, but that is not a total recovery from it. You will always live with it and battle with it.

Ok, some of you will go and say you will always deal with cancer and the residuals, that is true and you have to worry about it coming back. But until the day it comes back you are free from it. You can live a normal life; you can go and do lots of things. With PTSD not so much, you try to avoid things that set you off and things that give you flash backs and reminders.

When I say it affects others around you more than cancer does, yeah having cancer is a really big strain on you and your family and friends. But it does not ALWAYS affect your daily living and life. I know there are times when my wife is stressed out and worried about me that I will make it through the day, how I will react when I get home, or when she says something or does something, how will I react to things.

I hope that little bit come across right. I am not trying to down play anything that has to do with cancer or anything like that.

I wish I knew how to get the word out about PTSD like a lot of other things do. Maybe I am a little jealous how they get noticed. I just need to figure a way to get the word out there. To do so I need everyone and anyone’s help I can get to spread the word. To get more attention and awareness about PTSD and the word out there, we need to get a united front.

22 people a day is 23 to many. Yes I know my math is off, but you all should get the point. If you have ideas please post comments on http://avetwithptsd.com

God Bless!

Stay strong!!

Keep fighting the fight!

Don’t give in!!!

Don’t ever give up!!!

Ok I have been thinking. I want to start a go fund me site to help Sgt Andrew Tahmooressi out of Mexico. Why do we need to wait for the shit heads in Washington to do something.
We can raise funds and either bride Mexico or we can go down and do a snatch and grab.
I am just sick and tired of waiting on Washington to do something right. It has been way to long for us not to take action. Or do we not give a sh!t about a real soldier and only care about traders.
Speaking of why have we not heard anything lately about that little trader? What are they waiting for? For all of to forget about him?

I want to say sorry to Sgt. Andrew Tahmooressi family if anyone knows them and they don’t like this post I will take it down if they ask me too.

Just thought I would put this out there. It has been on my mind for a few days now.

WOW this just stunned the hell out of me. I just saw this.

MSN did a story on a cameraman who got EBOLA and people are sending money to him. They have raised OVER $31,000 in 3 days.

People are sharing it like crazy!

Yet when I (the person who bleed and served his country) tried to raise money for a service dog. I had to beg plead and everything.

How is it that peoples like this get this attention? It is this idiot’s fault that he went over there on his own will and choice. Yes I volunteered to serve my country; yes I knew there might have been a chance to go to war. What did this guy do to deserve all this attention? And helping? At least there are two comments on their Jeremy Reese and another one who say it how it is. But others are donating like crazy.

Oh he gave you pictures. I gave you FREEDOM!

I just can’t figure out why people donate money to the things they do.

The other day I was watching TV and some actor comes on asking to donate for some kid some other country. Just such and such a day and they will write you. Who says it is not some adult or print of something and everyone gets the same writing. Since they say the WILL write you back. Give me a break.

Look at your own country. Why not help your own people.

Why not help the ones who served.

Maybe I am just jealous that I had to struggle to get anything.

What also gets me is how the press picks up on this shit. But they don’t give two hoots about the soldiers coming back struggling. No they just try to make us out to be bad people.

I just people around the world would take care of their own issues before going outside their borders and taking care of others.

Just like this whole Middle East thing…no matter what we do they will always fight amongst each other. So I say let them. Or carpet bomb the whole dang area to take everyone out. Yeah I know people will say what about the innocent people. Well are there any that are truly innocent? The same person that sells you ice alongside the road is the same person trying to kill you at night. I am sorry I am just sick of spending our countries money on other countries problems. They don’t give us jack to repay us. Back in WWI, WWII, Korea, etc did we ever help them rebuild the stuff we blew up? No they did that on their own after, during the war. These countries have tons of money and oil why not make them pay us?

Where ever the whole Ebloa thing is going on I forget all the countries. Like them down. Whoever is there stays there until this whole thing is cleared up. Why risk our own people sending them there and when they come back they can infect more. It is not happening (well until we allowed people back from there) in our country so not our problem.

Something else that I don’t understand, maybe someone can explain. Cuba has been blocked from lots of things, trading, embargo, etc for how long? Why dictatorship? Well look at china why don’t we do that to them then? The cold war is over; the wall has been down for how long? I just don’t understand why they still have sanctions against them yet other countries don’t.

But then again I don’t really care about Cuba, just was wondering why.

I only care about this country. Once we get our country fixed then we can maybe go out and help others.

Just wanted to blow off some steam.

Hey do me a favor if you read this just put a comment saying if you agree or disagree or say I read it.

Just wondering how many people actually read this, and thinking about ending this blog since I don’t get the scene many people actually read this.


Well yesterday sucked just didn’t feel like writing anything didn’t feel like doing anything. I just am in a funk and can’t not seem to pull myself out of it, been in this funk all week.

That is something that some people don’t understand all the time. They think if you have PTSD, you have to be down and depressed all the time. They don’t realize you can have great days, bad days, ok days, and you don’t want to be around days. Awhile back I saw a news report about the people from the world trade center events, they were pretty much saying that these firefighters or what not were lying because they have proof of them riding a jet ski or something and if they actually had PTSD that they would not be doing this.

Well let me tell you this, that is total bullshit and who ever put that report together should be fired on the spot and have to make a public apology to those people. You have to take advantage of the good days, and try to make the bad days last as little as possible.

That is the hard part, how do you handle the bad days and minimize them. Where they don’t take total control of your whole life, it is an everyday battle even on the good days you have to battle so it does not take everything over. It is always in the background trying to poke through and to get control.

Don’t ask me how you keep it from popping out, don’t ask me how you get rid of it, don’t ask me anything because I have no clue if I did I would be the most popular man around because I would know that answer and many many other things. Maybe even the meaning of life.

When you go to the “dark side” it is hard to explain. You just feel so drained, lost, empty feeling inside, there is more but I just can’t explain it and how it feels the words just seem to lack me at the moment.

It is hard to write this morning, the words are just not coming to me or something. So I might write later today or some other time. I am just going to end this one here.

God Bless!

Keep fighting the fight!

Don’t ever give up!!

You can beat this!

Stand by someone in the downtime.

Is it morning?

This week seems to be going really slow. Can’t seem to sleep right, can’t seem to wake up. Just in this daze all week. Oh what fun I am having.

Yesterday the wife asked me to watch the baby for a bit while she did some stuff. So I have been slowly trying to take the baby and what not. Well yesterday I felt so hopeless and was not sure what to do. The baby started crying like I have never seen her cry before. I tried to feed her she would not take the bottle. I tried to bounce her she still cried. I tried everything I could think of and she still cried, and for the first time I saw little tears start to appear. This made me feel so helpless…I didn’t know what to do. So the wife came and she took the bottle right away for her. Just sucks that I didn’t know what to do. Maybe she is a mommy’s girl that is why she didn’t take the bottle from me and wanted her mommy.

Have you ever felt so out of place? Like you were somewhere and didn’t belong or felt unwanted there? I normally get this feeling but a few weeks ago this feeling was worse than ever before. I don’t like crowds as it is, and to top it off I just felt so out of place and unwanted it made things worse. I just don’t understand why people invite you to something yet it seems like they go out of their way to make you feel unwanted. Sorry just had to get that off my chest.

I need your help. I cannot figure something out for the life of me. Why are we sending OUR troops over to Africa to build hospitals and what not for the Emboli break out? Don’t they have people over there that know how to build stuff? Why not stop anyone who has been to that region in the past 6 months from entering the USA? Instead of sending people there and risking their lives to build them things that they can build on their own.

I saw a commercial the other day on TV asking people to donate money for some child so they can eat. Do we even really know if this child is for real? What about the children HERE in the USA that go to bed hungry, don’t have proper medical care and so on. It is like the old sayings don’t throw rocks at a glass house when you live in one yourself.

I am sick of the USA being like a babysitter to the rest of the world. If two countries want to fight let them go at it sell popcorn and take bets to the event. If another country has issues let them figure it out and work it out. That is how they learn; we don’t need to be there to hold their hands. Does anyone ever send us people when we have a natural disaster? Or when we have issues….most other countries leave us out hanging to dry.

Why don’t we get our soldier back from Mexico before we send troops out to another country? Heck we got what I would consider a traitor back, when he was ready to come home. We really need to get our priorities straight if you ask me. We need to take care of OUR people! We need to build a strong community, a stronger everything (schooling, financial, economic etc).

I think I am done ranting for the day.

I hope everyone is having a good week so far.

God Bless

Don’t ever give up!

Keep fighting PTSD!!!


Ever have those days where you didn’t get any real decent sleep and can’t wake up no matter what. Well I am having one of those days. I didn’t sleep well at all last night; just wish I could get a good night’s rest once in a while. Waking up in a cold sweat sucks! Ever experience that? You shiver so bad it is not even funny, it is weird that you can be sweating so bad and yet be so cold at the same time.

The past few days have not been the best day or nights. The flash backs are coming and the nightmares along with the anxiety and just that feeling like what is the point of being here. You sit and think and wonder what is the use of staying on this earth? You think you found a reason to live yet you look at it and wonder does it really matter?

So many questions go racing through your head. Yet none of them ever seem to get answered. You wonder if the pain you are going through is worth it. How many others have you put through hell with when you go off like a bottle rocket for no reason. You wonder why you are crying for no reason.

You try to take your mind off it all and do anything to stop thinking about it but the thoughts keep coming back. They don’t seem to ever stop. You look for help from god but he seems to be nowhere with an answer. You don’t want to turn to friends or family because they have enough going on in their own life and you don’t want to burden them with your issues.

I wish there was a way to turn all these thoughts off from running around in my head. Why can’t there be a on and off switch. So many different things set it off so it is so hard to try and stay away from things that set it off. Maybe I should just stay in a room with no windows and keep it dark and sound proof. Just so there is nothing that can set it off and I might get a piece full rest. But I am sure something will make me have the flashbacks.

You get so tired of taking medications every day, most the time you wonder if they actually are working you don’t feel any real change. I wish they would spend as much money as they do developing these drugs into a way to cure all this. I don’t feel the medications are a way to cure this, it is just a Band-Aid, your body gets use to the medications after a certain time, then you get to try to find another one to replace that one, and then you adjust the dosage, and repeat over and over till it is your time.

I have tried so many diff types of therapy I can’t even name them all. It is crazy, I am not sure if there is one therapy I have not tried. I really happy that some people have found a therapy that helps them deal with all their issues and to live a better life. Maybe I will go back and try some of them again. Never know something might click the second time around.

God Bless

I hope everyone has a good day.

Don’t ever give up

Keep fighting the fight.


Well since I last wrote to you roughly 44 veterans took their own lives. That is 44 people no longer with us that answered the call to defend this great country.

I wish I could say that 22 people a day committing suicide due to PTSD is more than breast cancer, ALS, Parkinson’s or anything like that. But I can’t. Because the population of people who are at risk of getting PTSD are dramatically less than the ones who are at risk of getting other deadly disease. I am not trying to minimize any other deadly disease at all.

I am also not saying you can’t get PTSD as a civilian, but let’s face it. Most the people who suffer from PTSD are military only roughly 8% of the civilian population has PTSD compared to roughly 35% of combat veterans get PTSD.

Less than .5% of the American population joins the military. WOW! That is less than I thought it was. So if you really compare numbers, which I suck at, so I leave it up to you all to do that and take this information however you like it. That is a extremely high rate of the population of military committing suicide every day. The average age of the veteran committing suicide is 60 years old. That means it is not just the current returning veterans committing suicide but many from the Korean, Vietnam, First gulf war are also committing suicide.

That means this issue has not been handled the greatest for a really really long time. The number one way a veteran commits suicide is drug overdose. What a surprise there, as much as everyone pushes drugs onto someone with PTSD to “try and help” them with it, it is not really a big surprise at all.

What really gets me is most the anti-depression, PTSD, etc. drugs one of the major side effects of these drugs is what? Suicidal thoughts may increase…how is this good thing to give someone who already has these thoughts? No wonder the suicide rate of veterans is extremely high.

I wonder if there is a study out there, between the numbers of prescription drugs a person with PTSD is on that sees a civilian doctor compared to ones that see someone from the VA. Not just the number of prescription drugs but also the dosage level. I would also like to know the number of veterans that commit suicide that see a civilian doctor compared to the number of veterans that see a VA doctor. These would be some very interesting facts and statics to see and compare.

I highly doughty we will ever get a chance to see these statistics. It might show that the VA health care is broken worse than it is.

Something else that has been bothering me for a while! I am a registered independent. I am not a democrat or republican. I am getting sick and tired of people trying to blame the veteran issue on one party over the other. Here is a hint! All politicians lie! All will say what they think you want to hear to get your vote. They all don’t give two shits about the veteran. Most of them didn’t serve and most of their families are not in the military so it is no big deal to them. It only comes a big deal until WE the people no matter what political party you are with STAND UP!!! CALL THEM OUT! And SPEAK up for the .5% of the population that defended your freedom.

So stop thinking your political party is the best for the veteran. Because it is NOT!!! If it was the veteran would not be getting treated the way they do. So if you want to call out one republican you better be ready to call out one democrat and vice versa.

We need to start speaking up for the veteran, or do we not care about those who put their life on the line and the ones who died for us to be able to do what we do?

Do we take it all for granted?

I am still waiting for everyone that says oh I support the veterans…….I do this and that. I donate money all the time.

Well here is something, yes a lot of the organizations that help veterans need your money to keep the doors open. But they also need your time to support them and help them do things that help the veteran. Money helps by the food for the homeless veteran but it does not get out there to feed them, or make the food for them.

Also if you are going to donate I know I said this once before but do some research before you donate to anything. A lot of these “NONprofit” places are paying there higher up a whole lot of money, look how much they spend on the cause compared to the staff.

I want to see your video of you helping or calling your political rep out (remember if you call one democrat out you need to call one republican out) and also challenge your friends to do the same thing.

I hope you have a great day!

Keep fighting the fight!

Don’t give up!!

God Bless

Morning, Wow made it through the “work week”. This is the first time in a long time that I think I posted a blog once a day for a whole week.

Something has been bothering me the past few days. I just don’t understand how people retweet or share something when they don’t even read it themselves. I also don’t understand how on Facebook or somewhere else you see more shares and likes for what I would call ridiculous pics. You know what I am talking about, the ones where my boss said he would do this or that if we get 1,000 shares, share this and get $1,000, get a free whatever if you share this, tweet this and get 1,000,000,000 followers in 20seconds. But yet people can’t take the time to share something important. Well I think it is important at least.

I just don’t understand where some people priorities are, or why people try and mess with me and try and do things to get under my skin. I know some people think they can have fun and hide behind a computer screen and do and say what they want. But come on don’t you have morals?

People say I am hiding because very few people know my name. Well I will tell you this, no I am not hiding. I just don’t want people to relate anyone’s name to this. I want them to be able to read and then maybe relate it to someone they know. Not have someone’s name stuck in their head. That is why I do it this way. If you can’t understand that well I am sorry I don’t know what to tell you.

It is frustrating, I feel like I am not doing enough to help my fellow veterans. I just can’t figure out how to help more of them. I really wish I knew how to make everything go viral that would help any veteran to save their lives. I don’t care if it is something I wrote or if it is something else. I am just sick every time I hear about a veteran taking their own life.

The military spends so much money on training someone on how to do their job. I would like to know how much they spend on someone teaching them how to be a civilian again, how to deal with civilian life, how to deal with others, to make sure their mind is right. I think the military needs to look on better ways to transition people from military to civilian life.

So anyone have good plans for this weekend? What’s that, you are making a video to show how you support veterans, how you volunteer to help veterans out? Can’t wait to see them, be sure to post it on YouTube and follow my channel….avetwithptsd is the channel name.

Please be sure to sign up for the email alerts for when I post something the page is http://avetwithptsd.com

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Please please share my page with all your friends. Help spread the word. You never know who’s life you might save by letting them know you are there for them and support them.


Keep fighting PTSD



Not sure what to say or where to start. It was a long night for me with a nasty headache; it felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. Oh what fun it is on days/nights like that.

I am not sure how much longer I can take the time to tweet the blog link out to a bunch of you every day I post. But a lot of you are not signed up to get the emails of the blog post. So that means if I don’t tweet it out to a bunch of you not a lot of people will see it that will defeat the goal of mine. So please sign up to get the email of the blog. Please share it often and as many times as you can.

My mission/goal on posting these blogs is to bring the issue of PTSD to the forefront, so people are aware of the daily struggles we go through, but my main thing is to let others know that they are not alone in feeling the way they feel. Other people out there go through the same issues, deal with the struggle every day. That taking your own life is not the answer.

You might think you are alone and no one will care if you take your own life, but trust me someone out there cares, someone out there somewhere will miss you. Someone is there to support you. You might not feel that right now but trust me, if you just let the wall down a little bit they will slowly come into your life and let you know. You have to be willing to take that wall down and explain to them all that is going on in your head. It takes a lot of courage and effort and strength to do it, but I know you can do it.

A lot of people don’t understand anything about PTSD and it is hard and frustrating to try and explain all that is going on when you struggle to figure out yourself on what is going on in your head. Before I meet my wife I had a few women find out that I had PTSD and just ran away as fast as they could, they didn’t understand anything about it, they had that stigma that I was nuts or something. It hurt me when they acted like this. But they just were not worth my time. I then found the women who would turn out to be my wife. She didn’t run away, she asked questions and read up about it on her own. You two can also find someone like this. You just have to be willing to let them into your world a little at a time. In the end it will be well worth it.

I still have many dark days, but having someone by my side and willing to support me no matter what makes dealing with those days so much better.

You cannot give up on yourself; you have to keep pushing through life. I wish I could say one day the whole thing will be over with and you will be back to normal with the snap of a finger. I really wish I could but I am not going to lie. I am not sure if that point is out there; if it is I have not reached it.

You might not know me and I might not know you, but that does not mean we cannot support each other and help each other through the struggles of life. Just know that someone else is/has/will gone through the same feelings and struggles means a lot.

For the ones who don’t struggle with this please I encourage you to pick up the phone and call all the veterans you know, call them just to say hello once a week or so. Invite them out to do something, anything even if it is just a walk through the neighborhood.

Share this blog with them, so they don’t have to feel alone.

By doing this I am hoping we can get rid of the number of 22, even if it just goes down to 21 it is a good starting point and that is over 300 people a year, and with time I hope we can get that number down to 0 that is the goal here.

Thank you for reading this

Remember you are not alone.

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Keep fighting the fight.



I got some bad news yesterday. A friend of a friend who is a veteran has lost 3 of his friends due to suicide in the past 13 months.

We need to do something people!

We got to stop this somehow, some way.

When I heard this news it reminded me of a song:


A simple phone call every now and then to a veteran could mean a lot. I am not saying it will prevent them from doing anything but just knowing that someone is there and thinking about you means a lot.

For the people who do not have PTSD I am sure you really enjoy a call from a friend that you have not heard from in a while. Just think if you were a veteran and had all these thoughts running crazy in your mind, when you get that call from someone just to say hello. It would mean a lot. It might give them that one second to rethink things through.

Veterans Day is a little over a month away! What are you going to do for Veterans Day?

How you going to honor the veteran?

You know, why should people like a veteran get only one day a year?

Many of you say you support veterans, and say you read this blog, but never accept my challenges. I am sick of seeing people with all TALK. I want to see ACTION!!! Action speaks so much louder than words will ever be. Some of you remind me of politician. ALL talk no ACTION!

It is just rough when you know 22 veterans everyday are taking their own life and you try to do everything you can think of and it is not enough. What do I need to do to get them to stop?

They deserve to live; we made it back from WAR!! Only to come home to a nation that says they care about us but when you look for help it is so hard to find. So we get tangled up in a big mess in our heads and can’t find a way out so we end up taking our own lives!

Why does it seem like the only people who care about veterans are other veterans.

I am sitting here trying to write this blog and I can’t think of anything to say. It just makes me so sad, 22 veterans a day. 22 people!

Where is the compassion?

People cry out for every little thing, and the news picks it right up!!! But they don’t ever hardly mention about 22 VETERANS taking their own life every day.

I don’t have a flag pole in my yard just yet. But as soon as I do I will raise that American flag to the top of the pole then slowly lower it to half mass to never be at full mass again! I think we all should do this. We can lower the flag when some celebrity dies, but we can’t lower it for the VETERAN who died? If you do this make a sign and put it out their saying why your flag is at half-staff.

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I am not sure what else to say or do right now.

Please call a veteran today

Stay strong!!!!

Don’t EVER give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep fighting the fight!!!

Don’t give into PTSD!!


Why does it seem like everything we do come down to a political pissing match?

When it comes to helping veterans and the elderly it should not be about what political party you belong too. It should come down to helping people and what they have done for us. What they have done for our country.

Without the elderly we all would not be here. We need to listen to them becomes some of the time wisdom comes with age. I know no matter how old some of us get they will never become mature, but when people have provided for others and can no longer provide for others maybe we need to change something to make sure they are taken care of.

When it comes to veterans, I am not talking about me here, yes I might be a little bias but hey.

Look over the years even before our constitution was ever written we had veterans. We few people out their defending the masses. Veterans have stepped up and forward when there country called. Yes I know there was the draft, but they did not run and hide or try to get out of it. They still stepped up and went and served.

It just seems like whenever the political parties can’t get along or get what they want they hold the elderly and the military and veteran’s hostage until they get what they want. This just does not seem right. This seems like a childish game they are playing. Why don’t they hold their own pay checks hostage and not pay themselves. Maybe then they would come to an agreement real quick.

I know people say they don’t get paid as much as they would be if they did their regular job as an attorney or other civilian jobs some of some type. But they get so many other benefits to make up for it is unbelievable. They also make so much after they write a book, for speaking at events afterwards.

I think it should be more of a privilege more than anything to be elected to a public serving office. Not something you do for the money, or fame, but to create a better world for tomorrow and be able to put this country on a good path.

I also think that you should not be able to serve more than 8 years max in any capacity in one seat, so you can only serve as senator for 8 years then you need to take a 4 year break or something, that way they don’t lose touch with the other people.

I also think that if you want to be the commander and chief, I think you should be required to have at least served 4 years in the military. How can you lead a group of people if you have no clue about it or walked in their shoes? It is like having the best surgeon ever trading jobs with the best home builder ever. They might know the basic but they cannot do each other’s jobs the best as they would do their own.

Can someone please explain to me why does it always seem to come down to political bullshit and not what is best for the country?

Right now I don’t think it is the best thing for the USA sending millions of dollars in foreign aid to other countries when we are struggling in our own land. I just don’t see how this helps our country; we can’t count on them for support or anything, no matter what we do. So how does it help us? If we put all that money we spend on other countries and dump it back into our own country maybe things would be a heck of a lot better.

Maybe we would not have to worry about the gang violence, or the drug traffic, or the homeless. Just maybe the money can be spent on giving our children a better education. Maybe colleges would not cost so much because they would have more federal backing.

Still waiting on those videos! Either showing how you help veteran or telling your political people etc, to pay more attention to the veterans.

Just think maybe if you call them out we would not lose 22 Veterans to SUICIDE!!! Maybe it will save your best friend or a family member.

I hope you have a great day!

God Bless

Keep fighting the fight!!!

Don’t ever give up!!!

God Bless

Is anyone out there?

Can anyone hear me?

Does anyone see me?

Why do I have this pain?

I take my meds, I try to do everything I can to avoid things that will make me think of things that will give me flash back!

It just seems like no matter what I do they won’t go away!

Why do these things keep coming back?

There are good days and bad days. There are days I feel like I am normal and then there are the days I wish I could just hide from everyone and everything.

When people see you having a good day then the next is a bad one people call you a faker, they think you just want attention. They don’t understand the roller coaster ride you are on.

It is hard to come to grips that even if you go to all the doctor appointments, take your medication every day like the doctor tells you too. That you will still get the bad days. It makes you wonder why even go through all the mess to find a decent doctor to help you, make the appointments, go to the appointments, pick up your medicine, take time off from work and so on.

What really gets me is if you get your medicine from the VA they will give you a 90 day supply, which is good right? To bad you have to call in for a refill 2-3 weeks before you run out so the medicine can get to you on time before you run out. Even then it is not a guarantee that it will. But who looks at their meds and is able to tell that. There are times when I didn’t realize it and have run out. You think they could put in a system that will…

1. Call you to make sure you are still on it and need a refill
2. Auto refill it
3. Call the DOCTOR if you don’t have refills to ask them what they would like to do.

I can’t talk for everyone on this matter but just myself. If I didn’t have a great wife like I do, I would be out of meds a lot of the times and scrambling around to figure out what to do. It is hard enough for me to make it through a normal day let alone to try and figure out what all I need to do so I won’t run out of things and I will be safe.

It is not just a veteran on this issue, I am sure lots of other people could use a reminder. Yes I know some of you will say it is my body and I need to take responsibility to make sure I am doing everything I need to do. Well come walk in my shoes, life gets in the way and there are times when I put others ahead of my needs and forget to take care of my own self.

Back to my point about the ups and downs. It might be a pain to make an effort to do everything right, you will have days when it feels like doing everything was not worth it at all because you still get those days of helpless, useless low down garbage days. But I will tell you this, the days you don’t feel like that are so worth it and believe it or not the high days will slowly start to outnumber the low days.

You might start out 1 out of 7 days are good. Then stay at that for a month or even more. But soon you will get to the point where it is 2 maybe even 3 days out of 7 are good. You want to tell yourself this is great but then day 4 comes and you are back at the bottom trying to figure out what happened. Then maybe 6 months pass and you keep pushing yourself to take the medication, keep going to the doctor appts and so on and you are at 5 or 6 out of 7 good days. Heck you might even get to the point where you have 25 out of 30 good days. That is when you can tell yourself it is worth and keep going.

Don’t let the bad days get you down and stop you from doing what you need to do. Everyone has bad days in life no matter what background they have or even if they are “perfect” and don’t have any mental issues.





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