Living With PTSD

Standing in a Corner All Alone

Morning,

Well it is raining again I forget how many days we are on in a row again. The bad thing about this rain is the leaves falling and clogging the drains so that means there might be standing water on the roads out there. So just be careful this time of year with lots of rain.

We are getting into high gear of the holiday season…oh what fun lots of parties and gatherings and so on. I so hate this time of year. I am just not into the big gatherings. It is hard to be able to watch everyone around you and still be able to enjoy the time. It sucks where you can’t shut down that part of your mind. It is burned into you.

You are trained to keep an eye out and see everything. To look for exit plans, to see things the avg person …

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The Annoying Mother 

Morning,
It is Halloween weekend, so be on the lookout for little kids crossing the streets. Also be on the lookout for the sandman for me. He keeps forgetting to visit me so I can sleep.

Is it bad that I drove to work and I don’t remember how I got here or one thing about on the way in? I am about ready to just totally give up on this sleeping stuff. I hear it causes cancer anyways. Why not everything else out there seems to cause cancer, they say even bacon causes it.

Really who comes up with this kind of stuff? Why do we spend money and time on this kind of stuff and just say everything causes cancer so do what you want and live a happy life, we will come up with a cure one day.

I don’t know why I can’t sleep. I …

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Help light the path for someone in the dark

Morning, another work day it is midweek. Not sure why people get so excited about midweek. Shoot I am not sure why people get excited over half the stuff they do. I am running low on energy after lately. Allergies are acting up I think. I just been having headaches everyday it seems for the past week or so.
It is 7am and it is still pretty dark out, just to give you a heads up this Saturday is day light savings so we go back one hour. I don’t see how this works, or how we can change it from this day to that day. They say it actually helps business make more money. Don’t ask me how they came up with that. I think they do it just to mess with everyone. Wait the business that make money are bars since they tend to stay open for …

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A Little Hope Goes A Long Way

  

Morning, It is raining out which means no fun for Hero and I. It is supposed to rain for the next few days and on the weekend. I hate it when it rains on the weekend, just so hard to do things around the house and do anything fun. L
Today is a day that I hope catches on quick, it seems like it is getting going slowly. I wish more people would jump on board with it. I hope one day that one day Telephone A Veteran Tuesday #TAVT will be just as if not more popular then throwback Thursday. I hope one day no veteran ever takes their own life due to the struggles within them.
Even though I don’t think that will ever happen I can still dream. I dream that one day veterans with PTSD won’t be looked down upon, that people will …

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Worth While! 

 H 
Morning,It is another start of a work week! Had a fun weekend with the family, we went to the Rescue Ranch for their fall festival and Gracie Jo got to play doctor Doo Little. She likes looking at the animals, as long as they are not ostriches. She don’t like the way they look lol. Then we went and visited her great grandmother on Sunday. So she was a tired little girl.
I am glad I have a smart dog to look out for me. I forgot to set my alarm clock and he woke me up this morning. Felt a little rushed around but not too bad at all. It is a windy one out today, and suppose to rain the first part of this week. I actually saw the news, and they said it has been dry, are they nuts! It rained for over a …

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THANK YOU! 

  
Morning,

What happen to fall? I am down in North Carolina and it seems like we skipped over fall and went right to the winter season here. It was below 32 when I left for work this morning. It is October mother nature needs to remember I left the north to get away from the cold. Not for it to follow me.

I should have written this sooner but I just didn’t have it in me. The words just wouldn’t come out in the right way. The wife and I have gone out to eat this past Friday and we went to lunch a few Saturdays back. Something happen to us that I just don’t know how to put into words. Let me start out by saying this has never happened to us before, and now it has happened two weeks in a row. It is weird to …

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BLAND

Morning,
I hate it when things change every few min, I try to be flexible, but it drives me nuts when things change from day to day. I have been picking up my daughter this week from “school” each time I went this week she has been in a different room with a different teacher and everything. She is a year old; you think it would be good for her to have everything the same instead of switching it around.

It just drove me nuts trying to figure out where she was, where everything is. I don’t pick her up that often so I am not use to everything. I am just a person that likes to have the same routine and live a bland plain life. When I do, do things I like to plan it out 3 plus months that way I can PLAN everything out, check …

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WITHDRAW!!!!!!

I feel like a dam junky! You know the type that you see on the streets spaced out beyond belief and looking like shit. Yep that’s me.
I missed a darn mental health appt and now the dr won’t refill my meds!
The appt was made like 3-4 months prior. Got no reminder phone call. Nothing!!
Funny part is. This place is connected with a hospital and you can go online and schedule appt and see when you have appts coming up etc. Well every other dept. and office in the hospital uses that system except this one. Don’t know why, I asked and no one ever gives me an answer.
It is a mental health office. You think they would want to help their patients more than any other dept or office out there. Or at least stop being the dam odd sheep and go …

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Running Water

Morning,
It has been about a week since I written and I figure why not write something. Not sure what it is going to be about, but just feel like I need to write.
Well the air is getting crisp and the sunlight is getting shorter. So I guess that means it is fall. Soon the holidays will be rolling around what fun. This time of year is when more people take their lives than any other time of year. So it is really important that we call our friends and veterans and check up on them more often than not. We can’t say oh I will do it another day because that other day might not be there for them.

I read somewhere that doctors are pushing veterans to donate their brains to help with PTSD. I am not sure how I feel about this. What makes …

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Time!

Morning,
It seems like yesterday that safe, secure feeling that many of us took for granted changed forever.
It seems like just yesterday that people realized what was going on and stood up and died in that Pennsylvania field.

It seems like a moment ago that black smoke came from the twin towers.

It seems like just an hour ago we heard that a plane crashed into the pentagon.

I wish I could be sad and weak for a moment for those people who passed away, but I think they would want us to be strong and remember the good times and happy moments in their lives.

They would want us to STAND and be STRONG! Not to show weakness, or vulnerability to the people who did this to us.

Today we stop to remember those who passed away 14 years ago on this day. Today we bow …

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Headline! 

Motivation,Not sure if anyone else feels this way. I use to be able to find the strength to get up and get stuff done. I use to not let a project go unfinished. Now all I want to do is lie around and not do anything. I can’t find the strength to get up and get moving. When I do start or finish a project it seems like I mess it up. It seems like I didn’t do it right. I could have done something better.

Maybe I don’t finish something because I am worried I will mess it up.I am just lacking self confidence in myself to be able to do something. What’s the use of finishing something when you know it is not going to be good enough. What’s the use of even starting something when you can’t see to do it right.

I have started many things …

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Other Ways to do Things 

Morning,Still in that little funk spot, but I have not given up on trying to figure a way past this. I will make it past this and it will make me stronger.
I wish the VA would offer other things to help veterans out then push drugs on them all the time. I wish the VA would try different things and not think in the small little box like they do all the time.

There are so many things that could possibly help the veteran deal with PTSD better. I have come to realize that when the mind is idol that is when PTSD sneaks in and takes a stronger hold on everything. Maybe if they pushed more on finding a hobby and helping that veteran with that hobby over pushing more and more drugs.

What’s that you don’t think the medication is working well lets up the dosage …

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Walking Around!

Morning,  
I just have not been in the writing mood at all. I have been in this fog like mind. Where it seems like you are just there in life, watching it pass before you.

I have not been getting the best of sleep so maybe that is what is causing this fog. Or it could be what seems to be this constant state of hypervigilance I am in all the time. I just seem not be able to relax and enjoy things in life.

I have gone thru stuff like this before, but never for this amount of time. I just can’t seem to shake this off or overcome it. Maybe it is time to actually go and see the talking Dr. Oh what fun! I just hate it. No matter how many of them you see, they all seem to say the same shit over and over. …

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What Offends ME

Morning,It has been awhile since I wrote. 1. Because I was struggling and didn’t want to write anything. 2. I just didn’t have anything to say. I don’t want to write just to write. I want to write because I want too. I know some of you are thinking well you were struggling why didn’t you write about that? Well, because I didn’t know how to express everything that I was struggling with. I didn’t know the words. It was and still is hell. I am not sure when the last time I got a decent night’s sleep. I am not sure when the last time I had a decent day was. Without wanting to scream, cry, etc.
It seems like people now days are being offended by everything and anything. So I thought I will add to it all and make my list what offends me. Maybe we …

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Kidnapping the Sandman

Morning,Well it has been a little while since I last wrote. Would say I am sorry but I am not. I have been struggling with a few things. Some days are better than others but the struggle is always there. I have not been getting much sleep at all. So, I think I am going to kidnap the sandman and hold him hostage for a few days. That is if I can ever get a hold of him.
There are people out there that say time heals everything, with time PTSD will get easier and so on and so on. Well I think these people are idiots and are talking out of their rear. It is funny how people that never had PTSD or anything like it think they know how to help and heal you. Then you have the people that say they had it and they cured …

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Pissing People Off! 

I am getting so sick and tired of shit! Things are starting to piss me off big time.
I am sick of the media.
I am sick of people crying saying this and that offended me.

I am sick of people thinking they are entitled to the world when they did jack to deserve it.

I am sick of people (Washington) telling me what I can and cannot own.

I am sick of people!

Well gosh dang it. You offend me. You there that one that thinks they are owed. The lazy sob, that one that covers their face, one who thinks they can take my weapons, one who hides behind a screen and talks the talk but never walks the walk.

Yeah if any of the above is you. Well you piss me off to all ends and I don’t give a flip if I …

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Hold the Person Accountable!

Morning,
Ok I need to get this off my mind.
I am so sick of hearing about the events in Charleston, SC yeah it is a sad event yes people died.
We don’t blame the person that took the tragic actions. No we blame the guns, the flag, the drugs, the upbringing etc.
WHY the hell don’t we blame the idiot who pulled the trigger?
The gun didn’t fire itself!
The flag well I will get back to that one.
Oh it was his upbringing. It was the drugs he did.
What happen to where we hold people accountable for their own actions?
Last time I checked there is not a gun that fires itself.
The drugs don’t jump in your body on their own.
I don’t see where the flag was used in this.
I don’t see …

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  Double Edge Sword

Morning,Well it is another warm morning, still no rain in sight. We were supposed to get some last night but we didn’t get anything. We really need the rain. I wish it would stop going around us.

It is that time of year again where everything starts to ramp up and get worse all because the day I get injured is approaching. What fun to look forward too? I wish there was a way around it or something. No matter what I do or how hard I try to control it, nothing works. Not even going to the doctors more helps.

On the plus side I have noticed that I am starting to be more comfortable talking to people without being mean or a wiseass. Which is a good thing, but then the bad side is, it puts Hero in a spot where people can blame him for more things.



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Missing A Few Chapters!!

Good Morning,

If you live up north or in Texas or anywhere you are getting rain can you send it down to North Carolina please? I think it is being sent to the wrong address. We need it bad down here.
It is going to be another humid one today and HOT in the upper 90-100 range. So drink lots of water no matter where you leave heat issues can sneak up on you.

I sit here and wonder.

I went looking for upbeat news stories. I found them. But they were not main page or anything.
One was about 2 brothers who saved and infant from a burning building.
And the other was 4 brothers who mowed a 70 something year olds lawn so she would not go to jail.

But what’s top news the past few days?
About some Canadian and who he supports …

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The Big UglY Spike

Morning,

Well it is already 73 degrees out. Wish it would stay about this temp all day and week so I can get yard work done. All good I bought some flood lights so I am going to try to get some work done after the sun goes down and see if it is cooler that way.

I am not sure if this post is going to have anything to do with PTSD or not today. I am just fed up with the media and other people trying to divide this country. Let it be racial background, economic or any other way. I am tired of bending over backwards to please someone.

Every race has its good and bad. You learn to not look at ones skin color in the military but how well they can do their job and have your back. I don’t care how much …

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