A Veteran with PTSD

Living with PTSD

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I AM AVetWithPTSD.com

I Am A Vet With PTSD,

I go through hell every day because I LOVE my country so much that I put my life on the line. Only something like 5% of Americans does that. The other 95% need to stand the heck up and support us. Show me you care about the 22 plus veterans that take their own lives every day and the thousands of others fighting to live  with PTSD. I will never give up on my country. I will never give up on my battle with PTSD. I will never give up on YOU. Keep fighting the fight! Don’t EVER give up. The question is who will be there with me? I Am AVetWithPTSD.com and so are you, stand with us.

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL




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Sorry about no blog yesterday, I had to take care of some personal business. Well it is almost Christmas….bah hum bug.

Let see if I have any questions from the past week to answer. Since I missed Thursday doing it, if you are new you can ask me anything you like and I will do my best to answer it about PTSD that is. Don’t want any of you getting a wise idea. Lol

Well I don’t see any questions so that helps that. But feel free to post to the blog any that may come up. I try to answer them every Thursday. If I missed some sorry about that just post them again. Also please comment on the blog so I am sure to see it. If you comment any other place I might not always see it and I want to make sure I see everything you all have to say.

End of the year is coming soon. You know what that means? Not a thing just another year has passed and we are waiting on congress to help the veteran. Did you all see that one guy said no to the bill to help veteran suicide? Man that is such bull. I didn’t read much about it so I really don’t want to go into details.

Some of you have asked why I don’t like WWP (wounded warrior project). Well here are a few of my personal reasons.

1. I looked to them for help once I called and called and never got a return call.
2. They only help veterans after 9-11-01 which is total b.s to me why not help all veterans. I really don’t like any veteran organization that only helps one type of veteran.
3. They pay their staff so much, the last I looked out of every dollar donated 45cents goes to their staff. That is a lot of money.
4. It seems like they only help veterans that they can get big publicity from. The ones that are missing limbs and severely disfigured. Don’t get me wrong they need lots of help, but so do other veterans that are not so badly scared.

Those are just my major reasons. You can do your own research and make up your own minds. I just think there are many more worthy non-profit organizations out there that help ALL veterans.

I am tired. I didn’t sleep very well at all last night. One of these days I hope to get a good night’s rest, until then though I will keep pulling myself up by the boot straps and pushing on.

I hope everyone has good plans for the weekend. Don’t forget to check on your friends that might not have family or feeling down at this time of year.

Anyone that is going out shopping this weekend you are nuts. Well I think anyone that goes shopping any time is nuts but the last weekend before Christmas well that is even worse. Just remember some veterans might be out there also, so if you see one say thank you and give them a little more room don’t crowd up on them.

I don’t know what is up with me I keep getting these “sinus” headaches more and more. Not sure if they are sinus ones or what. But they are freaking annoying I do know that.

Well I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Don’t EVER GIVE up!!

Together WE Can Save Lives #TWCSL

Keep fighting. If I can do it so can you!!

God Bless!!


Well running late this morning. Alarm didn’t wake me up. Didn’t sleep so well last night, so didn’t hear the alarm. I think I am really losing my hearing I can’t hear that well anymore.

I hate being off track and not on time. It just throws my whole day off. I hate change; I don’t like it when things become different. If I could get it where everything is set at a certain time it would be great. Change stresses me out; being a few min off from something that I normally do is stressful. I don’t really have a reason behind it.

When I say get everything set to a time I mean where I get up at 4:05 not 4:06 but 4:05 and have this much time for the shower and then this and that all through my whole day I would be very happy. But then again if I miss something by one minute it would stress me out to all can be. So it is a no win situation.

It just seems like when I run late I cannot get back on track and throws my whole day off and I get all worked up over everything. I know some of you might think it is weird but, it is just one of those things. Maybe it is the military in me, when you get used to doing something with no changes it becomes a habit, or maybe it is the fear that if I am not on a certain timing that things can and will go crazy and bad things can and will happen.

When my life changed for the worse we were running let from the time we were supposed to be at certain points. Maybe that is why I worry so much about being on time and having a set time for everything. I don’t want things like that to ever happen again. That is why I fear things. It is hard to explain. It is hard to think about.

If it came down to it, I think I would rather be an hour early for everything then to be one minute late for anything. I would rather wait on others for something then to have them be waiting on me to show up for something. I know it sounds like wasting a lot of time waiting on others but you can do a lot while waiting on them instead of rushing around and possibly forgetting something or trying to make up time and something else goes wrong.

We miss so much of life when we are rushing around trying to make up for lost time. Yet if we were always early we could take our time and enjoy things. We put more stress on our body if we rush. We make more mistakes if we rush. We can’t see the beauty in life if we rush.

There are times when no matter what we do life will seem like it is rushing by us. The more we are ahead of everything the easier these times will be.

I am not the type of person who likes to make plans to do something just a few days ahead. Heck not even a few months ahead. I like to plan many months ahead. I am already planning what I will do this summer and fall right now. It drives me nuts when someone comes and asks me to do go somewhere or do something today for next week. It makes me wonder why the heck they didn’t tell me earlier. How well can something are planned out with just a few days’ notice? Will it even be worth my time even attempting something like this? How much thought did they really put into this plan.

Maybe it is just me that these things drive me crazy or get on my nerves. Maybe it is me in 6th gear why the rest of the world is only in 4th gear. I just want things set in advance not the last minute.

God Bless!!

Don’t EVER give up!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!!!! #TWCSL

Pull yourself up off the floor little more each day!!

You are not alone!


How is everyone? No one froze right? Man I hate winter. I thought I would get away from the cold by moving south. Well I guess I didn’t move far enough south.

I have been thinking for the past few days and keep drawing a blank.

What is life?

Why are we here on earth?

Does everyone reach their full potential?

What makes us happy?

Life can be broken down to simple term of us living. That plan and simple, but what does life mean? Is it just the act of living or is there more to it that I do not understand. Do we just go with the flow of everything and not try to step out of the box, for it to be a good life or do we need to step out of the box for it to actually count as a good life?

If we step out of the comfort zone of the box, what do we do when we are out of it? Who says it is safe and ok to step out of it. Once we step out can we step back in anytime we want? We are all caught up on this whole play it safe, be comfortable. Don’t step over that line because you don’t know what will happen. The more I think about it the more I wonder if I need to step out of it to actually have a better quality of life. The problem is, I am worried that it is not a safe place to be. I think I stepped out of it when I went to combat and well things didn’t turn out well. So now I make my box even smaller than ever before and never want to step out of it again. I don’t let many people inside my little box either.

Why are we here on earth? Are we all here just in a big waiting line to get to heaven and to see the heavenly father? People die at different ages and different times of the year. So there is no real rhyme or reason behind why we are here. No set timer saying this is how long you will be here for. No number saying now serving such and such. Nothing to really tell us anything at all.

Are we here to accomplish something on earth before we move on? What happens if we never reach our full potential before we move on from this earth? Does that mean we failed? Does that mean we don’t get to go to heaven, and we end up being recycled? What is our full potential? How many people actually ever reach it? Does anyone ever reach it? Once you actually reach something you can always try for a higher and bigger goal. So who says we ever reach it.

Happiness, this is a very broad one. What you may think is your happiness might be someone else’s total nightmare. Hurting someone’s feeling might make you happy but what about the one you hurt, they are not happy. In order for you to be happy don’t you have to make others happy? They say you cant make others happy without being happy yourself. What happens if you are not happy until you make others happy? Is it really truly possible? I wonder if I will find happiness….yes I love my wife and she makes me happy, I love my daughter and she makes me happy. But what makes me happy without outside influence I am not sure. I am not sure if I will ever understand it or figure out what makes me happy. What makes you happy without outside influence?

God Bless!!!

Don’t Ever Give up!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!!!! #TWCSL

Try to make it to that next minute you can do it.

Have you ever read the saying ” I never knew how much I loved your Daddy until I saw how much he loved you”? Well I am living that saying every single day.

I know “the hubby” talked about how he feared being alone with our daughter when we first had her. He was afraid that he may have a flash back and that it may effect her. Because of that he tried to limit his interactions with her. Not because he didn’t want to be around her but because he wanted to protect her and keep her safe.

I’m not sure what or why things changed but he is more confident and holds her a lot more now and boy does she love him. I’m in trouble, my little girl is going to turn on me quick. Even when I’m holding her now, she is constantly trying to get his attention. When we get home from work (yes, she comes to work with me every day) she sits on his laps and talks and talks to him. It is so amazing to hear him say “is that so?” or “I can’t believe mommy made you do all that”. She smiles and giggles and grabs his face. It’s just precious.

I knew before we had our daughter, even before we got married that ” the hubby ” was nervous about having kids. Partially because he wanted to be the best father he could be but he was afraid his PTSD would hinder that. I am here to tell you that he is an amazing father so far and hasn’t let that stop him. He will do anything he can to provide for us and give us the best life possible.

So, in conclusion, I can’t wait to see how much more I can love him but I know he will love our daughter more and more every day.



It is Friday, not sure what I am doing this weekend. Anyone got good plans out there?

This day is not starting out the best for me. For some reason I am not sure why, I just seems like I am going backwards. The ride to work was filled with flashbacks and anxiety attacks. It sucks; I thought I had this all under control.

It hurts to breath. There is so much pressure on my chest that, I can’t get a full breath. I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my face.

I just want this to all end. I wish I knew what brought this all on. I thought I had this all under control. I thought I was winning this battle. I guess the war inside me is not over with.

It is hard to type my hands are shaking so badly.

I need to get ahold of myself. I can’t let this win me over for the day. I need to pull the strength together to beat this. Even though I just want to lie down and crawl up in a ball and let it win. I can’t let it do this to me. Yet it is so hard to fight when you can’t breathe. Trying to do anything is such a struggle.

At least I have Hero to help calm me down and help me fight through this. I am not sure if I could handle it without him.

I feel like I am going to throw up.

I need to slow my breathing down. It is hard to do that, when you can’t get a real breath.

I need to relax.

Every time I try to relax more memories flash through my head. It seems like it is a no win situation.

Slow deep breaths.

Let everything out on the exhale!

Why is it not working?

Got to keep trying, can’t lose this battle.

Will there ever be an end to this? Or am I just trying to go to a battle that I will never win?

Breathe slowly in.

I can’t do this. I need to keep fighting.

God Bless!

Don’t Ever Give UP!!!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWC SL

Morning, at least I think it is. It is cold and dark out. I hate this time of year when I don’t get to see much of the day light because it is only around when I am at work. I would hate to live some place that gets less sunlight then I already do. That would just suck.

Well it is that time of the week. The day we sit down and have a cup of coffee, I know we have a few new people. For those of you who don’t know, I take every Thursday and reply to any of your questions that you post on the blog. You can ask anything you like. I will try to answer them and be honest. So feel free to ask any questions any time for next week. All I ask is you post them on the blog so it is harder for me to miss them.

Q: What more is it that we can do to help? What is it that we can say to let them know it is ok?

A: These are two pretty hard questions to answer. Every person is different. There is no magical words you can say to someone to let them know it is ok. I wish there was, just always be there for them. Not just the times you think they need you the most. But be there also when they are happy. This way you can earn their trust. As for help, what are you doing right now? What did you do today? There are so many place you can go to volunteer, donate money too. I would suggest do the volunteer part. Just to name a few ideas to volunteer

a. Veterans Home
b. Veteran’s Hospital
c. DAV I think has a van that picks up veterans for medical appointments
d. Call them once or so a week
e. Shelters
f. Crisis centers
g. Volunteer with a nonprofit organization (the next event or money raiser they have)

Q. Roommate just went through a divorce, any suggestions?

A. Have them join a local support group for divorced people. Try to get out and do something at least once a week to keep their mind off other things. Tell them to hang in there; life will get better no matter what they think right now.

Q. I forgot to mention what I want for Christmas

A. No I didn’t, I wanted to see what you all would say first. What do I want hmmm…

Q. What therapies have I tried and did you find any of them to be helpful?

A. I tried a few diff kinds I cant remember the names off the top of my hear. Helpful, not really if they were I would not be here doing this blog and would be a lot better off.

Q. What are the meds prescribed for and how do they help you?

A. I forget all the meds I am on. Do they help? I feel like they do some of the time, other times I feel like it is a waste of time. They just mask stuff and cover up the problem instead of actually helping the problem.

Q. When your doctor changes your meds. How long is the change-over period?

A. Well it all varies depending on the med I am coming off of and going too. Some of the time it can take like 2 months or so to fully switch over.

Q. Have I found a “talking doctor” yet?

A. No, not yet. I am putting that on the back burner for right now. I am not sure if I am ready for smoke to be blown up my rear just yet again. That seems like that is all they do.

Q. Why do I need reg blood tests?

A. Well there are many reasons. To see if the medications I am on are doing any damage to my body and to make sure I am healthy.

Q. What have I found to successfully relax me?

A. Hero helps out in this department a great deal.

Q. How long does it take to train a therapy/service dog?

A. Well therapy dogs are way different then service dogs. And it all depends on what you are training them for.

Q. How do you train a service dog to wake you up?

A. It is a hard long process, I got the info from a trainer friend of mine, I don’t want to try and explain and mess it up. So I am going to pass on this one.

Just to help you all out. There is a difference between a service dog and a therapy dog. Hero is a service dog. He helps me with my daily living activates and is allowed any place that I go.

Therapy dogs are just that, they are not allowed everywhere, they mostly just there for comfort etc. They are not as trained to do as much as a service dog.

I think I answered all the questions I could find. Sorry if I missed any, please repost them if I did for next week’s cup of coffee.

Don’t be shy, you can ask anything you like. Please also share my blog with all your friends, family and even your worst enemy.

God Bless!!

Don’t Give up!!!

Together We CAN Save Lives #TWCSL


It is a little brisk out here, would not be that bad if the wind didn’t blow. That wind just cuts through you. But it is better than the S stuff falling from the sky. I hate that word and refuse to say that word so if you don’t know what I mean well to bad. Lol

Wow! I am stunned. Washington is actually doing something. Write it down, stop the press!! They passed a budget and also they are spending money to help veterans. Can someone go and check and see how many of them are sick. Did all of Washington get abducted by aliens or something?

Well I guess I can say better late than never for this bill, we shall see if this is just a cloak and dagger thing or is this actually going to help. I have not read up on this bill a whole lot yet. It seems like it is more of a show than anything else to me so far.

I am just not sure if this will do enough. I don’t see any real plan in place to prevent anything or to help the soldier. Yeah more doctors is great…….ok in a way it is but are they trained to deal with PTSD. It is a whole different animal then your regular stuff a physiatrist deals with. Are they just going to throw more medications at the veteran and see what sticks?

I don’t see anywhere where they are going to do studies to help find a cure or to help get the veteran off the medications. I think this is all just an act. I want to see action not just some fake well we tried we put money towards it. Yes I know the bill just passed the house and not the senate so it is way early in the game. It is not even taken affect yet. I just think before we go throwing money around we should always have a plan exactly how it will be spent.

There was a bill in 2011 just like this one and nothing really came out of that one. This is why I am so negative about this bill actually doing anything. Oh watch out The Pentagon and Dept. of Veterans Affairs has to submit info to an independent company for review on what they are doing to prevent suicides. Well who owns this third party company? Is this the only real thing that will come out of this bill?

I guess for now we have to sit and wait to see if it gets past the senate and what actually comes out of this bill. I don’t know why I am so pessimistic about this bill. I really do hope something good comes out of all this. Just hope something comes out of this besides, companies making money off the independent study and more doctors being hired.

I am not sure where we should start putting effort into it.

Should it be:

Prevention of suicide?

Finding a cure?


Pushing more medications?

Help for the ones who already have it?

Prevention so others don’t get it?

So many more ways we could attack this thing. What way do you think we should go after it and why?

God Bless!!

Don’t Give up!!!!

Together We Can Save Lives!!! #TWCSL

Don’t give in!

Pull yourself up by the boot straps.


Well it is Tuesday I think yet it feels like a Monday. Not sure why that is but this week seems like it is going backwards instead of forwards. This is not a good thing. I want to go forwards. Wish the days would stop dragging.

Have you called that veteran that you don’t see every day, and check up on them to make sure they are alright? Or just that person that seems a little down lately to see if they want to get a cup of coffee.

I am drawing a blank on what to say today. I even waited longer than normal to write this blog today and still nothing.

I feel like a 90 year old. I am just always cold lately. I think the wife is rubbing off on me. She is always cold. Wonder if it is the meds that are making me feel so cold all the time. I am not sure, I might have to break out the long johns and wear them under the clothes all the time.

Why do people pretend to be military when they are not? What does it get them? I am just seeing more and more people faking to be military. It is not even funny. Is it really worth the 10% you might get as a discount at very few places? Do you want respect? You don’t have to wear a uniform to wear to be respected by people.

I even know people that are close to me that do this. Do you know how much it hurts when you go around pretending that you are military? It is total bull. Hell I will give you my discount as long as you take everything that goes along with it. People think it is fun to pretend well grow the hell up and be an adult. Why pretend to be something you are not.

I wish I was better at pretending to be things that I am not. Maybe I could pretend to be a nice, sweet person instead of what I am. I just can’t do things that are not me and not real. I just don’t understand how people can do it.

They say stolen valor and can get into major trouble for it. I have not seen anyone really go down for something like that. I think maybe if the media makes a big deal about it, just maybe people would stop doing it. Then again that means the media would have to report on something about veterans and we all know they very rarely do that.

It is just not even individual people taking advantage of the Veteran status. There are a lot of people/organizations out there that say they help/take care of veterans and they actually spend more money on paying staff then they actually spend on veterans or they don’t even help veterans at all. It is like one of those games where you shuffle the cups around trying to find the ball under it. If you shuffle it enough you can’t find the ball.

Just research before you do anything for any non-profit organization, or even help a veteran. Shady people these days ruin a lot of things for the real ones.

God Bless!!!

Don’t Ever Give UP the Fight!!!

Together We Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Pull yourself up by the boot straps.


Is it spring yet? Why can’t we just skip winter? This cold hurts the joints. Yes, I know it could be colder then what I have 36 high of 41. Since I moved south I guess I am getting weak and not tolerant to the cold. What can I say; you get use to your surroundings.

Something very unusual happen to me this weekend, and I think it is worth noting. Hero and I were shopping in Costco, when gentlemen came up and tried to give me money for a holiday gift. I told him no thanks, and then he said what about a gift for Hero. I said no thanks and said all we need is a thank you and you can donate the money to a good charity. It was a really nice gesture of the guy to do this. It made me feel warm inside. I normally don’t like people coming up to me not even to say thank you. Other veterans deserve that, not me but for some reason I didn’t mind it as much this time around.

How was everyone else weekend? Anything good happen? Do anything exciting?

For some reason today I just can’t seem to get moving. I am not sure what is going on. I feel like in a foggy daze. Hopefully that will change as the day goes on. We shall see, what happens later on in the day. I know I didn’t sleep to well last night, just one of those days.

Everyone ready for Christmas? All the shopping done?

Here is something for you. People get upset when you tell them Merry Christmas. People also get upset when you say Happy Holidays. Well I just think people just want to get upset just to be upset. I understand there are some people who don’t celebrate Christmas and I know not everyone is Jewish so you cannot say Happy Hanukkah which starts Dec 16 and runs till Dec 24 just in case you are wondering. So why don’t we just say both Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you. That way we cover every holiday on the calendar and put a special perk for Christmas on it.

I just don’t get it, why people are getting so upset over a few words. Do I get upset when you are walking around my country and speaking a langue I don’t understand? Ok, bad example because I do get upset about that. Some of the time I actually say something about it other times I just get pissed off and walk away.

I don’t understand why WE have to be politically correct all the time! Why do we have to change our ways just to suit one type of person? Why do I need to press 1 for English in my own country? There are times when I wish I could walk into some places and go ICE agent (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) no body move. Just to see how many people start to run and everything. I think it would be loads of fun for me. Especially if you go to a job site with people working on the roof or something, just my idea of fun I know it is mean to do. Well to bad I don’t care if it is not politically correct.

God Bless!

Don’t give up the fight!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL

Morning, Final work day of the week for most people thank goodness.

It is a little chilly here but I can live with it, I guess. So anyone have good plans for the weekend?

Since you all tend to ask me question, I thought I would turn the tables a bit this time and ask you all some. Now remember please, please answer them on the blog.

What do you want for Christmas? Real things none of this dreaming stuff like world peace or what not.

I got to think about this one. Don’t want to give the wife to many ideas. Lol

Hero says he wants a rain coat, one that will cover his ears. I don’t understand him, if we are at home he will play in the rain, if we are at work and he wants to go potty he acts like he does not want to go. Just a funny thing with him, he brings a smile to my face a lot though.

Who does New Year’s resolutions?

How long do you tend to keep up with them?

What are yours for this year?

I will have to think about what mine might be and answer that one on Thursday.

This next thing has been getting on my nerves and just gives you an insight on what I feel is a struggle with PTSD at least that is what I think it is from.

I bought a new garden tractor over the summer. I think I got it in Sept or Aug. Well a few weeks ago I was sweeping up leaves with it, and the thing caught fire. Not that big of a deal sort of just got a bucket of water and put the fire out. Well I called the dealer to come pick it up. He is a local small dealer, not a big box store or anything like that.

Well he comes and picks it up and says call him in about a week to get an update, well I wait the week and give him a call. He is not in so I tell who ever answered to have him call me back. I wait a couple days and no return call. So I call again, whoever answers they don’t have an update and the owner is out doing something, so I say have him call me. I wait a few more days no call. Well it has been 2 weeks since he picked it up. So I am starting to get a little ticked he never calls me back or anything. Well I call, get whoever person, and they say he is out call back later. Well I am tired of the run around and tell the lady I want my money back I am tired of this, have him call me, She says I will let him know. No call back….call the next day, he is not around again, so I keep calling trying to reach him. Well next thing I know I call the sheriff answers and say I am being charged with harassment. How is this so? I am calling to get an update on MY tractor that was not cheap and all. I just want good customer service.

Maybe it is my PTSD or maybe just me. I want answers, I expect a call back, and I expect updates on things. I don’t like this waiting around, being kept in the dark. I just don’t like this kind of thing. I get upset and agitated real easy. I need to know info on things. It is just hard for me with anything to not know details and such. I just feel like this was just terrible customer service.

Not even with just this, it seems like customer service has gone downhill lately. Is this just me? I think I was born in the wrong time. I feel like what I have heard, the way things were back in the 50’s and 60’s were more my style. Where people have had pride in what they did, they cared about people more. Has technology made us with less feeling, less interaction with each other?

Then again, I think it is perfect, I hate interacting with people. I hate being around people. I just can’t get comfortable around people. It is so hard for me to do. It just bad, I start to sweat so bad, get a little light headed some of the time. Even thinking about being around a group of people gets me nervous. I am so glad Hero is around with me to help me with these issues.

God Bless!!!

Keep fighting!

Never Give up!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL


It is another day, work week almost over with. This week has seemed to fly by. I guess during the holidays they always seem to go by quick. Everyone rushing around here and there to get things done just be sure to take time out of your busy life for yourself and to call that friend and check on them. This is the time of year when people get most depressed.

Well I guess it is that time of the week when I open up the mail bag and answer some of your alls questions. Not to many this week so remember if you have questions feel free to ask. I will do my best to answer them, and if I don’t I will try to explain why.

Q: How is my daughter?

A. She is doing well; she is growing like a weed. She goes for her 4 month checkup later next week, hard to believe that she is going to be 4 months old already. She is teething already which makes it no fun. It is scary that she is growing so quick. I guess the saying is true they grow up quick and hard to believe how fast they grow.

Q. How was my Thanksgiving?

A. Well we treated it just like any other day. We didn’t do the whole turkey and everything else. We just stayed home and it was the wife, baby and I. Didn’t feel like being around family too much. Nothing against them, just wanted a low key day.

Well I think that is all of them. If I missed yours I am sorry, just post it again in the comments on the blog.

Again PLEASE post comments on the blog!! I will no longer be replying to comments about the blog on any other media. I will reply either weekly or right to your comment on the blog.

Well this is a short post. I hope everyone has a great day!

God Bless!!

Don’t ever give up!!!

Together We Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Morning, I think it is. It was a weird drive into work this morning. Not a lot of cars on the road and it was dark. Made me think I was going into work at the wrong time or wrong day, it was weird. Just a light mist coming down also, seemed like a picture form a scary movie or something.

I just wish I could figure out why! Why does this country put everything bad on the news? Why certain stories are made out big while others are left with no coverage. I think I want to start my own news channel and put only good things on it. What good people are doing, how they help others, warm heart felt stuff. If you want to hear about the bad stuff you would need to go to a different channel. I want family wholesome stuff on the TV. Where you can sit down as a family and see the people, who volunteer at the local children’s hospital, or the guy who helped the old lady next door shovel her driveway out. Just that kind of stuff, where it will teach children that not all bad things go unnoticed or not recognized.

If we keep showing only the bad, why would kids want to do anything good? Yeah, they should know it is the right thing to do, and it is not about getting noticed or fame but you do it for the warm feeling you get in your heart, but if someone does not teach them this stuff or show them that it is the right thing to do how would they know?

Bring back the sesame street and the good cartoons, none of this violent stuff or other non-American wholesome stuff. Bring the programs back like touched by an angel. I am not saying we have to push religion and shove it down people’s throats at all, but let them know it is ok for them to pray and believe what they like.

But, I guess TV stations don’t show this stuff because it does not sell, or it does not bring in the good ratings. Without that they have to close their doors. Maybe I am just wishful thinking since I have no idea to even start something like this up.

It is not just TV it is all media, and then there is FB and twitter. I am getting sick and tired of people with this whole political and racial stuff. You can blast someone, something all you want. What does that do? NOT a dang thing but get someone else that does not see it the same way all riled up and then you go back and forth on it.

Either do something to change the system, the way it works, or whatever you think is wrong. Everyone wants to complain about everything but no one wants to step up and take action, we all want to just sit around and complain. Why not run for an office? If you don’t like the way your local school is run, run for the school board or PTO or something, same with the city, county, state etc. Be a solution not part of the problem.

Remember before you open your mouth or put your fingers to the keyboard, read up on everything so you are informed before you say something that you might be wrong about. Know the facts about things. Not just what one person tells you, think for yourself. Use your own brain and come up with your own thoughts. We have gotten so far away from this lately we just spew out what some person on the TV has said from our channel we watch, we don’t try to look at the other persons point of view.

I will tell you right now, you want to bash someone let it be Obama, some other figure or person go do it somewhere else. I will not approve those comments any more. I am not saying I agree with what he is doing, I don’t like a lot of things that he has done or saying he will do. But I did my best when I voted for people into office.

Also please, comments on the blog not tell me what you think any other way. I don’t always get a chance to read every little tweet, email or post other places. Put it out there so it does not go away with time, so others can see your thoughts. I don’t care how long, random your thoughts are. You see my blog it is random and long at times. It is fine with me.

God Bless!

Don’t give up!

Together WE CAN Save Lives!!!!!! #TWCSL

Keep fighting!


It is chilly and windy one today. Yesterday was 70s and today is 40s tomorrow is 60s. Man this weather is crazy. I wish it would make up its mind what it wants to be. People are going to get sick from the weather flipping back and forth like this if they are not careful.

Well it is Tuesday what does that mean? Another work day closer to a few days off, that is the only thing I can think of. Just another day as the world spins around and people watch it pass by. I wish I could go back to bed didn’t sleep all that well if at all last night.

Not sure what to write about today. So many things are just spinning around in my head I cannot grab one and think about it long enough before something else spins into it and bumps it out of the way. Just so many crazy things going on in life right now, not a lot of fun.

I can go a day or two without sleep or little sleep not a big deal, but when it starts to get to the point where it is three or four days without any real sleep it gets kind of annoying. You can’t think right, you just become blah! The harder you try to focus on something the worse it gets.

I just think I need to grab my boot straps and pull myself up and start to think on the positive side of things. I try my best to think on the positive side of things as much as possible. I just think I am floating to the negative side of stuff a little too much. Why does it seem like it is easier to see the negative and think negative then it is to think on the positive and be on the positive side of stuff?

Is it because of the world that we live in? The stuff we have around us? The way we were raised? I just see some people no matter what they can always see the silver lining in things and others they see the black clouds. I am not saying I want to be either one of those people. I just want to sit right in the middle and be able to see both sides.

God Bless!

Stay Strong!

Keep Fighting!!

Never Give up!!!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL


Well I took a few days off and figured most people would be spending time with family. What is up with this weather? It is going to be mid 60s today and then tomorrow it will be mid 40’s then back up again to the mid-60s on wed. Talk about the weather being all over the place lately. Don’t ask me what is going on with it because I have no clue.

I have been doing some thinking lately and it has gotten me wondering if I am taking this blog too far off topic from what I want it to be. Lately it seems like I have been ranting and raving on what pisses me off or what is on my mind but a lot of the times it sort of does not relate directly back to PTSD. I am trying to figure out if that is what you all want to read about or if you want to read more about the everyday struggles. Which after a while will sound like a broken record just repeating itself over and over?

Well went to a wedding this weekend. Out of respect for the bride and groom I didn’t take Hero, because I didn’t want him to be a distraction from their whole wedding and such. Well bad terrible mistake on my part. There were about 400 plus guests, and it was not cool for me at all. I did not feel comfortable, I could not relax. I was a mess on the inside and did everything I could not to show it. Not sure how well that went over. All I know is I was sweating, shaking at times, nervous as can be. I didn’t like it. To not help matters at all in the one corner close to our table there was a big pole with a flash on it to help the photographer I guess. Every time they took a picture this flash would go off. You would not know when it was going to go off. So at times it seemed like it was a strobe light. To me at times it made it seem like bombs were going off. This really didn’t help matters at all, so needless to say I spent most of the night outside smoking to try and relax.

That was most of my weekend. How was everyone else weekend?

I need you all to let me know which way I should go with this blog…..

Write whatever I want?


Try to keep it on track about PTSD and the struggles?

I hope everyone has a good week.

God Bless!!

Don’t give up!!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL

Keep pushing for the next minute!


Well it is cold, wet and windy here. Hero and I almost got blown away. Ok it was the umbrella but it sounded good and dramatic right?

Thanksgiving is just a day away. What are you thankful for?

I am thankful for my wife she means more to me than most could ever imagine. Without here I am not sure where I would be. She is one of the strongest people I know; she can lift heavy things and set them down. Ok bad joke. She keeps me semi stable when I get pissed off at some really small stuff or when I flip and just want to lay into someone. She does so much for the family I could not express how much it means.

I am also thankful for my daughter. She might be young and not do much but she fills in a lot of gaps in my heart. Just knowing that I have her to take care of helps me push that extra little bit to make it through some rough spots.

I am also thankful for my family I guess that is what you call your parents and in-laws right? It seems weird because when I say family now I think of my wife and daughter. So what do you call them your extended family? Well anyways, just knowing you have others that support you in life. My mother has supported me and smacked me around a bit to keep on track and remind me a few times you can’t be a bull in a china shop and expect people to listen and you need to have oh I forget what it is called, and I really hate it…..it is where you don’t mind waiting for stuff to get done when you think it should already be done….and they are not moving quick enough….patients I think it is called. I really hate that and really don’t have it most of the time.

I am really thankful for all the people who helped me raise the money to get Hero. He is one of the best things that have ever happen to me. He takes the whole meaning of man’s best friend to a different level. He knows just what to do to cheer me up, and get my mind of things. He also knows when I am not feeling well and gives me extra kisses. It has been almost a year with him. I will write later on down the road about the whole first year with him.

I am also thankful for the things we tend to take for granted every day. Such as a job to be able to live, a roof over my head, and being on this side of the grass. There might be days I wonder why I am still on this side of the grass and think I would be better off on the other side. But I am thankful for being on this side, just wish I knew the plan.

I hope everyone has a great thanksgiving.

Be safe in all your travels.

Don’t forget to call and check up on everyone.

God Bless

Together We Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Keep Fighting!

Done Give up!!!

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