A Veteran with PTSD

Living with PTSD

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I AM AVetWithPTSD.com

I Am A Vet With PTSD,

I go through hell every day because I LOVE my country so much that I put my life on the line. Only something like 5% of Americans does that. The other 95% need to stand the heck up and support us. Show me you care about the 22 plus veterans that take their own lives every day and the thousands of others fighting to live  with PTSD. I will never give up on my country. I will never give up on my battle with PTSD. I will never give up on YOU. Keep fighting the fight! Don’t EVER give up. The question is who will be there with me? I Am AVetWithPTSD.com and so are you, stand with us.

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL




Please use the above  when linking your site to avetwithptsd.com


Well woke up late this morning, my alarm clock decided to go potty at 130am instead of his normal 4am. What am I going to do with him? Looks like I have to set a real alarm clock from now on just in case he throws me another curve ball.

As I sit here and struggle with daily life from serving my country, wondering if I will ever beat this stuff and if the pain from my injuries will ever go away. I read where DC is worried more about people that came to this country illegally and how to help them. Again the veteran seems to get tossed aside.

I sit here and wonder why doesn’t my country care about me like it cares about illegal immigrants? No I don’t go out and commit crimes. No I don’t do illegal anything. Yes I can speak English. I guess since I do all that I am not a concern for anyone.

I was sitting in the dr office the other day waiting to get some blood work done and these two women were being loud as can be talking to each other and on the phone. I guess they could not read the sign two feet away from them that said no phone use. On Monday I went to the knee dr to get a shot in my knee and another person was there who could not speak English so he had someone speak for him.

Who is paying for these medical bills? Do they have insurance? Who is hiring these people?

Most gang related activity in CA is done by illegal immigrants.

Roughly 22% of the prison population is illegal immigrants.

We try to catch them at the border and send them back just so they can turn around and try it over and over. It is a never ending cycle. What can we do to stop this cycle?

So we pay people to protect our borders and to stop this flow, yet we don’t give them enough of anything for them to do their job properly. We send a lot of them free and say come to your court hearing. Like they ever are going to do that, come on who we fooling here.

57% of the 76 fugitive murders most wanted by the FBI are illegal immigrants. Does this not tell us we don’t need these people here?

We are sending money to other countries to help them for one thing or another.

We are spending money to keep criminals who should never be here alive in prison.

We are spending money on people who have no desire to work or do anything productive in life.

Yet, we keep putting the ones who actually did something for our country last in line and always use them as a barging chip.

Why don’t we get our priorities right, I don’t want to hear anyone say it is Obama fault or it is the democrats or republicans. It is all their faults. They don’t care! I am sick of being last in line and being used and thrown away when we are not needed.

We need to make a stand.

I just wish for once a veteran came first over others. Why do I have to beg plead and everything for help. Heck I think I could get better and quicker help if I was a lazy S.O.B who had no desire to work and came into this country illegal then I do now.

Why do I have to wait weeks, months to get medical attention while they make a phone call and get seen that day?

It is just so hard for me to grasp that my country does not care for us. Will the veteran ever become a true priority in DC eyes?

God Bless!!

Keep Fighting!

Don’t Ever Give Up!!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL


Another cold day out there today oh what fun, the kicker is that it will be 70 in a few days. What is going on here? I think Mother Nature needs to make up her mind. But I will not complain if it gets warmer not a big fan of this below freezing and barely above it stuff.

Well it is near my most favorite time of year to dread. The holiday season, I can’t stand this time of year. Not just because it gets cold. But Christmas trees are already being sold. It is not even thanksgiving and people are selling them. In the bathrooms at work they are already playing Christmas music for the past week plus. Come on people give me a break! Please!

I don’t like the holidays because there is this whole thing where people think you want to be around them so they invite you to all these parties or events. Then you have to buy gifts for people and that means some of the time you have to go out to the crowded stores and be close to a bunch of people you don’t know.

These things just are not for me. I don’t even like being around all my family at one time. It is hard for me to deal with just a bunch of people at a single time. I love them a lot but once I get more then 2-3 people around me I get uncomfortable. I just don’t like it. I can’t keep track of everything that is around me. I can’t hear everything; my hearing has been getting worse the past year or so. Which makes things even more difficult for me to keep track of.

I know it is good to get out and see people and meet new people. But do I have too? Why is it that this time of year people always gathers? Why can’t we meet up say March 22, June 12 I don’t care just pick any off the wall day. Why does it take something that people think is special to get together? It is not even Jesus real birthday. Christmas is from a pagan tradition and has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus Christ our savor.

Something I have noticed recently that is making me wonder about stuff. I see a lot of people share the link to the blog and they have people share it, but I can see how many people visit throughout the day and the numbers do not add up. Why bother sharing if you don’t even know what you are sharing. It does not good to anyone if you just share and don’t read what you just shared.

See this is why I wonder if it is even worth doing this blog. Yeah I know some of you who actually read it and say as long as you reach one person that is all that matters. For some reason though it just bothers me when people share it and they don’t know what they are sharing, it is like they just want people to think they are doing good. Why? Does it help you feel better about yourself that you shared a blog that a veteran wrote yet you don’t know what that veteran wrote? What happens if I said something mean and nasty about America in this blog that you just shared yet didn’t read? I just don’t get it or understand.

Maybe I should just save my money and not do a blog. Maybe I should just give up on trying to help other veterans and people without PTSD to understand what we go through. If you all don’t care what you share why should I care to share what is on my mind if you don’t even care enough to actually read it?

God Bless!


Well I think it is. It is dark and cold out. Ok it is freezing out! I hate it! Can’t stand it! I want to be a bear and hibernate the rest of this cold time of year. I am not made to deal with this cold stuff. I don’t see how people live in Alaska and other really cold parts of the world.

Well I think the VA has FINALLY done something good for the veteran. It might of taken them gosh knows how long and I mentioned this idea a few months back. So maybe they read this blog. Ok let’s be real they don’t but it is always nice to think that.

They are sending cards out to veterans who have been waiting for more than 30days for doctor appt to get this I hope you are sitting down for this one. To seek medical treatment in their own communities!!! Rather than wait for gosh knows how long to see a VA dr. I don’t see why they didn’t do this a long time ago but, then again this is the federal government we are talking about and if it makes scene it either won’t happen or it takes a really long time for it to happen.

I have been to quite a few VA hospitals. Let me tell you this, they are not the most modern looking or up kept hospitals. Some of these hospitals remind me of movies from the 1930s or so. Even worse some of the insides are just terrible and remind me of haunted houses and such. Bad lighting, terrible run down insides etc.

I just think it might be better and cheaper to close down the VA hospitals and do it all through pvt care. I just think some of these hospitals would cost so much to redo and make modern and fix all the issues it would be cheaper to tear them down.

I think I got an idea here so bear with me. They want to make it where no veteran is homeless by 2015 or something like that (fat chance of that happening). But why not use the VA hospitals for a place for them to stay until they get back on their feet. The VA needs to hire a bunch of people to help with the back log of claims and everything…well why doesn’t the VA hire them to help with the back log? That way you are helping to issues out at the same time. Just an idea, what do you all think about that?

Well tomorrow is Thursday and that is the day I answer all your questions so get them ready and post them on the blog if you have any. I am trying to be honest and truthful and not avoid anything. So let me have them.

Ok I need to find a space heater for work or bring in an electric blanket or something for some reason it is freezing. I think they still have the AC on. This is not helping my joints at all. I wonder if the medications I am on are making my joints hurt. I will have to look into that.

If you want to read about the whole VA plan and sending veterans out for pvt care here is a link to where I found that info.


God Bless!

Keep Fighting!

Never Give up!

Together We Can Save Lives!!!


I wish global warming was actually happening. I moved south because it was supposed to be warmer not cold. I don’t think we will be getting above freezing today. Which really sucks, this weather really plays havoc on the joints and makes Hero goofy, he tends to run around and wants to play more outside which sucks for me.

Well went to the med doctor last night. I am not sure how to take him yet or his staff. The lady that does the checkout seemed pretty rude. She just seemed short with me when I asked a few simple questions. Maybe I just caught her on a bad day we shall see. I swear for medical school they must just give you a prescription pad and say have at it. The dr says I don’t like to push medications but, I think we need to up your medications. I wanted to say what happen to NOT wanting to push medications? I just don’t get it. Is there not another way to help me? Yes I know about the EMDR and a few other therapy things out there I have tried a lot of them and some even more than once! EMDR didn’t work for me and it sucked!!! Going through it, I am not sure if I would want to go through it all again or not.

What really got me is on the checkout they have these signs that say medication refills are NOT an emergency. Bull, they are an emergency to me. I guess they never had to go through the withdraw symptoms before. If you ever want to feel the worst ever go on these meds for a while then stop cold, it makes you sick to your stomach, head is spinning, just everything is terrible.

Why is it that every doctor I meet says they don’t like to push medications right before they increase or give you another medication to take? Does it make them feel better when they say that? Or is that part of their doctor training right before they get their prescription pad? Just be honest with me and say hey I hate to do this we will figure this stuff out but for right now we need to do this and this. I will be okay with that. Don’t tell me you hate to do then do something. It does not seem like they have a real long term goal except change meds, increase meds. Is that really a long term way to treat a patient?

I am really thinking I might want to get off these medications for a while but I am not sure. What happens if I can’t handle it when I am off them? What happens if I lose my mind? How will it affect my family? Do I have another plan in place to try and help with this not at the moment so I am not going to do anything or change anything until I have all this figured out.

What did people in the past due before modern medicine? How did they deal with PTSD? I am talking about back in 1200AD to 1900AD time frame if not before that. There has to be something we are missing where we don’t need to push these medications on people. Everyone just wants to push medication and group or talking therapy. That does not help everyone, and some of the time I think it is just a way to keep you coming back so they can keep getting paid.

God Bless!

Keep fighting the fight!

Together We Can Save Lives!!! #TWCSL

Don’t give up!!

Ok I wanted to write something that some of you are not aware of! Maybe you all could write everyone you know and get this changed.

Does anyone know the inflation rate for this year?

Hint it is above 1%

It is 1.3% inflation.

Guess how much Congress is getting a raise?

I will give you a hint it is above 1.3%

They are getting a 1.6%

Does anyone know what kind of increase the veteran, current military get for this year?

Hint it is below 1.3%

We got 1%.

So that means we are actually getting a pay cut! That means we need to figure out what bills, food etc we do not need or can live without.

This is the lowest increase since the Vietnam War. Well that is not true because from 2009-2011 we didn’t get any raise what so ever.

What is even worse congress and every other person in Washington is giving themselves a raise!

How is this fair?

Again the Veteran suffers and the people in DC don’t care! They don’t care about the veteran or anyone who keeps their freedom, who is there to go and do as they are told. To protect the people that gets paid more for doing less work.

I just don’t understand why people let this happen. Why do veterans have to fight for everything? Why do they think it is ok for the veteran, elderly to suffer?

They don’t threaten to do anything with their pay no! They pick on the people on Social Security and veterans. They pick on the more helpless people because they think we can’t do anything about it. They are sort of right we can’t go in and vote on laws! But we sure can vote on if they stay there longer.

Heck I am sure we can do more than that. But we might go to jail if we try and shut down DC and make it where they can’t get to work. Then again that is doing them a favor. So that might be bad. Or we can shut the capital down and make them stay and work. HMMM ok I better stop before I get into trouble.

God Bless!!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL

Don’t ever give up!

Keep fighting for that next second.


Another work day, I wish we could work 4 days and have 3 days off. I think production would be a lot better and people would be a lot happier. Then companies could hire more people to work. But that is just a thought.

My weekend was overall not too bad, I got to cuddle with the wife and baby and watch some good NASCAR racing. I know some of you think NASCAR is lame and boring, but you tell me what other sport prays before each event? They even said the pledge of allegiance to the flag and used the work GOD! Maybe we should support more events and activities like this.

I was watching a show last night on food network. I was kind of stunned with some of the language they used and let out on a program like that. I know it is not that bad, but I was a little offended. They allowed one competitor to use the word, she felt screwed. I know it is not a “curse” word but you think they would put a better filter on that kind of stuff. Maybe that is just me being old school.

Well I read some disturbing news from the military. The army is sending more troops to the Ebola area. I think I read something like 2,400 National Guard and reserve troops. Here is the kicker not one unit they are sending over is a biological chemical company. Hmm, you think if you are sending troops to an area with a deadly virus that would be something you might want to have on hand. But, that is just me and my common peon thinking. I just feel bad for those troops. I say we keep the troops here and send the president and his staff over their instead.

It is funny how all these people Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Paul Allen and other rich people will donate to a cause like this put wont lift one finger to help the troops that keep them free. I still can’t figure out why the military is forgotten about by so many. Hell the US Government has put in $378 MILLION in aid and pledged an additional $45 MILLION. What the heck! This is just crazy. I could think of better ways to use that money. You think that is bad? Well Obama asked for an additional $6.18 BILLION!!!! To help with this. What are we doing this for?

It is a shame we are allowing 22 Veterans a day take their own lives. But here is something that might be worse. 1 out of every 30 children is homeless. I forget the number of children who go to bed hungry in the USA each night. There are very few things that top my list over Veterans, and that is American children. I did not go to war for people my age, or people in their 20s or older. I went to war for the helpless children of the USA!!!! The ones who could not defend themselves, while we send money to other countries and let our own people suffer. We need to change this.

God Bless!!

Don’t give up!

Keep fighting the fight!!

Together We Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

They are trying to screw over the veteran again.
Please see this link for Training Letter 14-01


If the veteran does not claim it happened in service for each condition no matter how many times it is mentioned in the veterans medical records they will not do anything about it. All because the veteran didn’t say it happened in service. Come on let’s get real! This is just another way for the federal government to screw over the veteran. This is just crazy. What more hoops do they want the veteran to jump through?

It is crazy how many loop holes are in their regulations. They say they are there to grant rather than deny anything. I think they are talking on the side of their mouth on that one. Why does it seem like they put up so many road blocks for the veteran to get anything done? It seems like they twist regulations any and which way they can to stop the veteran.

They think they can tell how bad you are off from a 5min compensation exam rather than looking at what your normal dr says.

They want to claim nothing is wrong with what they exposed you too or did to you for years. No matter what all the evidence says.

They say they are working on this backlog of claims and such? Are they really? Last year they did a major push to get claims done called provisional ratings. If the veteran didn’t come back in saying they wanted to look at this it would be permanent. Well most those provisional ratings were to deny stuff to help the backlog look better. Gee I wonder what happen to all those claims…hmmm

Veterans are dying while waiting on medical treatment. Do they even want that kind of medical treatment? How many things have come out in the past couple years with the VA possibly infecting others, due to unclean medical equipment.

Have you seen the inside of a VA hospital recently? Paint peeling, water stains on the ceiling, puddles on the floor from water dripping from somewhere, the list goes on. And yet they say they are top in this and that. The only thing they are tops in is because they see a lot of people with PTSD,TBI, Heart issues, Cancer. Because the federal government gave that to the veterans so of course they would be tops in treating that kind of stuff.

Maybe they should stop giving themselves a bonus and starting helping veterans.


Just in case you want to look up how much someone got a bonus for.

Must be nice to get a 6 or 5 digit bonus in 2013. On top of a 5-6 figure salary.

No wonder we are debt. Why are some names withheld? This is tax payer money they can’t do that. We the people deserve to know.

They talk about the banks, auto makers and everyone getting bail out money and giving out bonus. Talk about not looking in the mirror.


Well it is another day but it is FRIDAY!!! So that means if I am lucky I get to cuddle with the wife all weekend long. I don’t think we have anything to do where we have to leave the house or anything. I hate leaving the house.

I forgot to do the question and answer yesterday sorry about that. I don’t think there were too many questions for me to answer though. So be sure to write and ask any questions you like in the comment section on the blog. A few of you mentioned you can’t leave a comment. Try deleting all your cookies and such and the rest of that stuff log out then come back. If that does not work let me know. I ask that you leave the comments on the blog because I don’t always get to see them other places.

Someone told me that they can’t be reminded of suicide everyday multiple times a day. Well guess what, that is reality for some of us. We can’t press a button to unfollow or delete button on our brain. It sucks. I am not sure what would be better not thinking about it and letting it sneak up on you or thinking about it and keeping it at arm’s length so it does not over run you. That is a battle that each and every one of us has to choose on our own how to handle.

Do I sound pissed off or dark and moody when I write these things? I just write what I am feeling at the time. I don’t try to sugar coat or cover up my feelings at all. I know I might not be the happiest person all the time. But when I write I let the raw emotion out. I just get pissed off when our government spends more money on other countries to help them out when we can’t help our own first. I am sick and tired of people asking for money to help starving children in some other country when we have our own. Heck Facebook is pissing me off because they are asking for money to help fight Ebola.

I wish I knew a better way to help our own people out more. Not just our veterans yes that is my main concern and cause but everyone in this country. It seems like we have two different things going on here. One is where the people get all the help they want and does nothing their whole lives for it and live off the government. Then we have another group who hits hard times and when they going looking for help they get turned down for one reason or another. This is total bull; I don’t think that someone that is capable of working should be able to spend their whole lives on government funding. Having 33 kids is not an excuse to not be able to work; being hooked on drugs is not an excuse not being able to work. Our system is flawed and we need to fix it. Why do we have so many homeless people if there is help out there? Why are there a lot of homeless veterans if there is help out there?

Yes, I know some of them it is by choice. But not all of them choose to be that way. That is what we need to fix. You do a crime and you get more help than anything else. Why do they get 3 hot meals a cot and pretty much anything else they want if they did a crime?

We need to come up with a plan of action to get this nation back on her feet, to put its people back to work and standing up for her.

I don’t give a shit if I am not politically correct. I will say GOD BLESS AMERICA. I don’t care who I offend. Don’t like it see yourself out of my country! I am standing up for her! I will take her back from this total bull. This country was built on the belief in god. Does not say what kind of god or anything like that. Just a god which means higher power, or being. You can either stand with me or against me it does not matter to me. I will roll over you if you are against me.

The person who is willing to stand in front of me on TV or anywhere, where the world can hear them loud and clear and say GOD BLESS AMERICA is the person who will get my vote. If you can’t do that you don’t deserve to work for me or lead my country. Yes I say my country because I believe in her; I stand for her and with her.


Stay Strong!

Don’t Ever Give up!!!

Together WE can Save Lives. #TWCSL

You can do this!


At least I think it is morning it is still dark outside, so it might still be night. I guess it all depends on when you get up and when you go to bed.

So many things going on in the world right now and we (Americans) keep sticking our nose into things. Why can’t we just stay out of one thing just once? We got this whole Ebola thing going on which I don’t think is getting that much press right now so it makes you wonder what is going on with it. Heck Facebook keeps asking me if I want to donate. Too bad there is not away to say not no but heck no, I am sorry you are going to go somewhere where you know you could get sick and die well that is just stupid.

Then we have this whole thing with Russia and the Ukraine thing going on where Russia is going to patrol the Gulf of Mexico. Well they better be careful, I say just let it go with all that going on. We fought for our freedom and what we believed in many many years ago so let their people do the same and lets stay the heck out of it.

I know some of you are saying well didn’t you go to combat where you could of gotten a disease and became sick and died. I feel that is totally different then what these “doctors” without borders and whoever else is going over there and doing whatever they think they are doing. I went because MY country needed me to go somewhere to do what I was trained to do. Not because I wanted to go and get a tax right off or whatever doctors get for doing this. I just really cannot understand why people want to help other countries before they help their own. The same doctors that charge me an arm and a leg to see them are going over there and not charging them anything. Maybe if they charged less for me to see them they would not be able to go trotting around the globe and maybe people could afford health care. Maybe we should not allow them to write this kind of thing off as a tax right off since it didn’t happen in the USA. Just an idea and thinking out loud that is all.

As for this Russian thing they better be careful and we need to be careful here. Wait never mind our leadership is too busy playing golf to care or over somewhere else on Veteran’s Day instead of being home supporting the veterans. But if those Russian planes come into our space they better shoot them down and ask questions later that is all I have to say about that. We can warn them to turn around when they are within 200mi of our border after that forget the warnings and time for action. But I am sure we will never find out if one crosses over or hear anything about it. I just don’t think we need to be starting something more right now. We have enough going on, I think I read somewhere we are sending troops back into Iraq and more into Afghanistan. Our troops are getting tired, spending a lot of time away from home as it is.

We don’t need to be trying to fight another battle in another land. Let’s either clean up what we already started and actually finish it off without the political bull that they are playing around with now or back all the way out and let the people who live their fight it out amongst themselves and the strongest group win and leave us alone.

We are cutting our troop strength down which means the troops that are left will be deployed more, less experienced. You don’t go and get your hand into other things when you do this. That is just stupid, no matter what kind of technology you have, you will always need boots on the ground.

Plus are we set up and ready for more people to become veterans and be out of service? Do we have the jobs available for when the troops get out of service? Do we have the enough medical care for them? We all know the VA is struggling big time right now and does not have enough doctors, hospitals, and people working on claims with what veterans we have now.

I don’t think we have the economical backing for the veterans returning to give them gainful employment. Which means more people will struggle with paying bills and being a productive member of society. Plus if we keep going into conflict and deploying troops people are going to get sick of being away from their families and will not reenlist which means less experience to lead the troops and people will not want to enlist because they know they will be sent away shortly after the training which in turn means we will have to start the draft back up. Which means people will get upset and protest and everything else again. Oh what fun this will be.

Now this whole thing in Turkey and the Navy guys. I don’t see what the big issue was, it was 3 military vs 12 of them. That seems like a fair fight. Oh I forgot it was 3 navy people…..I was thinking it was marines or Army people then they might want to go get more help. Ok sorry I had to pick on the navy a bit I know this was a serious thing. I guess they don’t want our troops to spend money there anymore. That is fine with me bring all the troops back stateside I am happy with that.

God Bless!!!

Keep Fighting!!

Don’t Ever Give up!!!

Together WE Can SAVE Lives!! #TWCSL


Well another Veterans Day has passed. So now everyone can stop thanking a veteran for another year. It seems like it takes a “special” day for people to thank a veteran. Don’t understand why that is, it is like well let’s just forget about them until we need to say something to them. I know this is not everyone, but it does seem like there are a lot of people who could careless until that day.

Good news, I have convinced the wife to do a monthly blog. Well she was half asleep when she agreed to it so we shall see if she remembers saying it and if she will do it. It is a start for now…next we I will try to get her to do a weekly one. I think it would be good just so others that have a significant other or family member that has someone who is struggling with PTSD they can relate to and everything else.

I wish I could get my thoughts together today. They seem to be wondering all around the block and cannot concentrate on anything. It sucks, but it is part of life I guess. Sleep sucked last night I just could not shut everything out of my head to get some sleep. I keep forgetting to use that sleep app so I am not sure what the sleep cycle is. Oh well, I guess it is not meant to be to figure out what kind of sleep I am getting oh well.

Man I can’t get one thought out today. I keep getting everything crossed up or forgetting what I was thinking about.

I think I need to practice what I preach more than I do. I have told many of you to keep pushing forward, keep trying etc. I didn’t go to a war memorial yesterday like I told a lot of you to do. I just don’t like the crowds and would rather go when it is not a special day. I tell you to do your best to do everything in life, and that should be good enough. Well that is not good enough for me, if I fail at something or don’t do something perfect or anything I get down on myself and can’t handle it. I expect to be perfect in everything and anything. It is hard for me to listen to my own advice.

I am not sure why I can’t listen to my own advice. I guess it is easier said than done. Or it is ok for others to do the best they can but I can’t allow myself to do that. I just can’t figure out why I feel this way or why I do things. It sucks when I let myself down, I feel like I have failed everyone and everything.

It sucks because I get on myself when everything is not perfect. I keep telling myself if you mess up things can go wrong, bad things will happen. You need to be perfect no mistakes.

GOD Bless!!!!

Don’t Ever Give up!!!


Stay Strong!

One Day at a time!

It’s me again, the wife, writing my annual Veteran’s day post. First off, I want to thank all the Veterans out that for volunteering to make the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom.

I’m sure many of you read my post and think “wow, his wife probably goes through a lot” and I’ve seen some comments saying ” you are lucky to have your wife”. In reality, we are lucky to have each other. He has taught me a lot about life and has challenged me to be a better person. He opened me up the struggles that veterans face with PTSD and I am so proud that he has chosen to spread the word to others about it. At times, I am at awe over what he’s shares; “the good, the bad and the ugly”. I guess I’m not brave enough to be that honest with the World.

It has been over a year since he has started this blog and I am so grateful for the friends he has made through this blog and twitter. I see some of the comments and messages you all send and I blown away by the support he gets.

He has grown a lot in this past year or so. There has been ups and downs but I guess that happens in every marriage. I am proud that he has stuck with his meds. I know he sometimes questions them but I can tell you first hand that they have helped. I have seen him try to go out of our bubble and form friendships with a couple people and he has had the courage to venture out to public places with crowds more.

I have a feeling that the two additions in our lives have also had an impact on that. Hero has been an amazing addition to our family. I know that if he is having a rough time or day that Hero will be there for him which eases my mind. He also greatly helps him face those crowds in those public places. The other addition has helped him in another way and I’m not sure he realizes it. I know before our daughter was born he worried about her and how he would adjust to his PTSD. You all have read it in his blog. He wonders how he will tell her and how it will effect her. What I have noticed from him is that he is trying to venture out more so she will have the wonderful memories and experiences he thinks she deserves.

After our daughter was born, I was crying a lot, I felt like I wasn’t contributing anything to our family. I was completely lost because my life had changed and I wasn’t sure where it was going. I am so in love with my daughter and my husband but I could not pull myself out of that funk. My husband forced me to go see a Dr because he suspected I was dealing with depression. As it turns out (for once) he was right. I am still struggling with it but my husband provides such amazing support . This is the first time in my life I have ever felt down or blue or depressed so the experience has made me have even more respect for my husband. I have a small idea if what he is going through and I hope that my support helps him as much as his helps me.

I hope he knows how happy we ( myself, my daughter, Hero and Lua) all are to have him in our life. Although we may have our ups and downs, our life is never boring and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I wouldn’t want to spend it with any other person.

Thank you for serving our Country and thank you for having the courage to fight PTSD for yourself and for our family, my love.



What happen to global warming? I say it is a total scam it feels like it is the total opposite. It is another chilly morning here. I hope everyone had a good weekend.

Well tomorrow is Veterans Day! So we know what that means, a lot of people will have off and they don’t really care why they have off as long as they have off. This makes me really sad, that people don’t care about these special days set aside to honor their freedom and the people who gave all for it. When my daughter grows up I will make sure she understands why she has off, I want her to understand the sacrifice that many people gave so she could do what she wants.

It also means the wife is going to do a blog tomorrow. I have been trying to get her to write more often to help others that have a significant other with PTSD to help them and just to give another point of view but she won’t listen to me. So maybe if you all comment and tell her you want her to write more often she will do it. HINT comment lots and say you want her too.

I am not sure what to write about today. I just want to take the time and say THANK YOU to all the current military and all the past veterans. Thank you for serving, thank you for everything you have done. Don’t give up on yourself or your family. Thank you to the families who have stood by our veterans while they went away to war and when they came home. Don’t give up on them. Thank you to the people who take some time out of their busy day to check on a veteran to make sure they are ok. Keep doing it. You don’t know how much that means to them.

We are getting into the holiday season again. It is a time when a lot of people get depressed and emotions of sadness are low. While some run about here and their getting gifts or going to holiday parties please don’t forget to check on that veteran that might not have anyone else. Please open up your heart and maybe even your home and invite them over for the holidays. It could make them feel wanted and stop them from ending their life. You never know what a few kind words can do for someone.

Go through your closets and pull out some extra warm clothing that you don’t wear anymore and donate them to a veteran’s organization. You can find this by googling your local clothing charities. This might keep them warm for the night.

Some people tend to forget that the holiday season is not about getting stuff. It is about giving and spending time with friends and family. It is not even about giving that much I don’t think, it is more about spending time with friends and family. Try to show your children this, take them down to the local food bank and volunteer or go to the local children’s hospital and serve meals to the family’s that are there with sick kids. Tell them they don’t need to get everything they want.

I know it is a rough time for people who are depressed already let alone with the colder tempetures and the lack of things that things build up and get worse and you start to think about things more and you wonder about everything more. You start to remember your friends who are no longer with us and wonder about other things. Well STOP!! Don’t dwell on that and think about what you can do to honor them. Maybe they always went and helped out somewhere, or they helped with a Christmas play, or they went and laid wreaths on fallen soldiers graves. Honor them! Call up a few battle buddies and go do things to honor your fallen battle buddies. Make it an annual thing!

GOD Bless!!!

Keep fighting!!!

Don’t ever give up!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL

Morning, final work day for the week, I think I can make it through the day. Ok I hope I can make it through this day.

I want to take some time to address a comment someone posted on the blog. It says about going home from work and not leaving. I do the same thing as you do. I try not to go anywhere, or do anything around people as much as possible. I have been forcing myself to go out even if it is just to drive around nowhere in particular. There are a few reasons why I do this.

If you stay locked away it will be harder for you to be around things more and more. So even if you just take a drive somewhere stop and get a soda and drive some more, at least you are around other things. It will give you fresh air and sun which helps the body with sickness and I forget what the sun does for you.

If you hold up in your house who does the yard work? I think it helps me to go outside and get my mind off things and do something as simple as cutting the grass or playing around in the garden.

The more you are not around people the harder it will be in the long run to be around them. Even for work you will slowly get more distant.

I even some of the time go to Lowes and walk around with Hero just so I am around people. I might not talk to them or make eye contact but just so I can stay in touch with people being near me so I don’t freak out when someone is walking by me. Which they also allow dogs in the store even if they are not service dogs so if you have one take them with you.

I know it will be really hard at first and suck big time. I am not saying you have to do it for hours, start out with walking up one aisle and then back out the door, do that a couple times then do two aisles and so on. I am not saying go out to the mall and walk around during the holidays, I won’t even do that. I am not sure if I will ever be able to do that without sweating big time.

If you hold up in your house anytime you can, you are not winning the battle, you are losing. You are letting this control you and you can’t allow that to happen you have to go and face it head on. Small little victories will add up into one big win. You might sweat, your heart will feel like it is coming out of your chest, you might feel like you are going to pass out, but it will get better. I wish I could say it will go away but it won’t it just gets a little easier with time.

I hope anyone out there that is doing this or if you know someone share it this info. Let me know how things go if you don’t mind. I am here if you need a little kick in the rear to do it.

I hope this post is not to confusing or anything. I am not a doctor of any type. I am just someone that is there in this trench and willing to give you things that I do.

God Bless!

Keep Fighting the Fight!!!

Together We Can Save Lives!!!!

Don’t ever give up!!

Morning, It is Thursday so that means it is that time again where I answer your questions or at least try to answer them. I will do my best to answer them truthfully and to the best of my ability no holding back.

Q: How do they know if they do/don’t interfere with one or the other?

A: Well if I go into convulsions or foam at the mouth then there might be a problem. Ok bad joke, I am really not sure how they know, I guess the drug trials and chemical make-up of the medications. But that worries me a lot also if they will or won’t.

Q: Do they know the side effects of taking all the medications?

A: Nope, I don’t think they know the side effects of one medication let alone a cocktail of one.

Q: Do I need to do blood tests, kidney, liver etc to make sure everything is in order?

A: Yes, I get that done about every three months or so. Oh what fun it is.

Q; How do you suppress an anxiety surge when you feel one starting?

A: Well if I knew that, I would be able to stop it all the time, and would not be on medications. But for the most part Hero helps me out with that, plus “breathing” helps with that sorta…not sure if I really believe in that because a lot of times it does not help. I try to think about anything and everything else in the world. It is hard to do, harder than walking on your hands on a 50% hill, some of the time it can be done other times there is no chance in the world of it happening.

A: It is about the sleeping app I started using about a week ago.

Well it is an app for the IPhone, you start it and then you put the phone between the sheets and mattress. I am not sure how accurate this app is. Below I will give you the stats for the week.

10/30-10/31 Sleep Quality 43%

10/31-11/1 Sleep quality 64%

11/1-11/2 Sleep Quality 37%

11/2-11/3 Sleep Quality 50%

11/3-11/4 Sleep Quality 58%

11/4-11/5 I forgot to set the phone up to do the study, sorry about that.

What is funny is the days I get above 50% are the days I wake up feeling like I didn’t get any sleep at all. The name of the app is called Sleep Cycle and according to this app I have not gotten any deep sleep at all.

Q: Have I been checked for Lyme’s Disease?

A: No I have not. The doctors don’t think that is the cause, it is more from the stuff I was exposed to overseas. Just part of that extra parting gift they give you for serving your country.

Q: How much training did it take when you got your service dog?

A: This is a tricky question. Let’s say I would not suggest to anyone to use the place that I got Hero from. I had to do a lot of training with him after I got him to do the things that I wanted him to do and some of it is still a work in progress.

Q: How old is my daughter? Is she old enough to understand what I am going through?

A: She is only 2 months just about 3 months born Aug 11, 2014.

Q: In my group therapy?

A: I don’t do group therapy. Don’t like it. Tried it once a long time ago and don’t care for it. To me it turns out my PTSD or what not is worse than yours so forget that. Sorry if I ever lead you wrong to think that I did group.

Well I think that is all the questions that people asked this week. If I missed yours I am really sorry, just point it out to me and I will catch it next time.

Some of you did post some comments I did reply back to, not sure if you got them or not so let me know.

Just to make sure I see your comments please post on the blog page. If you don’t they might get lost in everything else and I don’t want that to happen because your comments mean a lot to me. It lets me know someone is reading and also your thoughts on what I post.

God Bless!

Keep Fighting!!

Don’t ever give up!

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL

Morning, another day of the week, midweek almost through this week. What does that mean? Not a dang thing because it is just this loop that we all live in. Get up go to work, go home, get up go to work for 5 days have two days off and do it again.

The other day I saw something that made me think and made me worried a bit. Everyone knows or heard about the mass shooting throughout the years. Well this little report shows that they all have something in common with the medications they were on. I have either been on them or I am currently taking these medications.

It makes me worried that what happens if something flips a switch and I do something like this. Are these medications actually good for us? I wrote about all the recalls and side effects a few days ago. This just makes me wonder even more.

Am I doing the right thing for my family?

Am I doing the right thing for my body?

Is the risk of losing my mind worth the other days when I have somewhat of a mind due to the meds?

It really makes you wonder what is going through the medical companies heads when they put a drug out there like this.

You feel so helpless, you do one thing and not take the medication you run the risk of going off the deep end. You do the other thing and again you run the risk of going off the deep end. There just seems no way out. No place to turn to get guidance the doctors just want to push meds on you and your family and other support group just wants you to be happy and healthy.

Can you really be healthy pushing all the medications into your system? Can you be happy without the medications because the wiring in your head is a little mixed up and things are not connecting right per say.

Just like everything else in life there are pros and cons to everything. A lot of things in life seem easy compared to this. What happens if you decided not to take the meds any more, what kind of side effects will you feel after it all out of your system, did the medication damage anything permanently? What happens if you do stop them, your body can not go back to normal because you are so use to taking the medications and that rewired things in your head also now.

Will the long term side effects ever be really know on these medications or will they just swipe it under the rug saying, oh he stopped taking them, or he was not properly treated and medicated or some other spin on things. Will they ever acknowledge anything when it comes to these drugs, or will our government force the pharmaceutical companies to be held more accountable for the actions they take?

Remember tomorrow is the day I answer your questions so post them now if you have anything. Pretty much nothing is off limits.

God Bless!

Don’t EVER give up!!!

Together We CAN save Lives #TWCSL

Keep Fighting!

Don’t Give in!

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