A Veteran with PTSD

Living with PTSD

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I AM AVetWithPTSD.com

I Am A Vet With PTSD,

I go through hell every day because I LOVE my country so much that I put my life on the line. Only something like 5% of Americans does that. The other 95% need to stand the heck up and support us. Show me you care about the 22 plus veterans that take their own lives every day and the thousands of others fighting to live  with PTSD. I will never give up on my country. I will never give up on my battle with PTSD. I will never give up on YOU. Keep fighting the fight! Don’t EVER give up. The question is who will be there with me? I Am AVetWithPTSD.com and so are you, stand with us.

Together We Can Save Lives #TWCSL

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Morning,

Well it is a brisk one out there. Hopefully it will warm up a bit. Just glad I am not in the northeast and got hit with all that snow.

Today is Tuesday and that means it is Telephone Tuesday. So call all the veterans you know, just to catch up with them, let them know you are there for them, see how things are going in their life. You never know what a simple 5min phone call can do for someone just to let them know you are there for them and care about them.

It could bring someone back from that ledge just knowing someone is thinking about them and there for them.

There were times back in my drinking days I wish someone would have called me to check up on me and ask me how I was doing. Maybe even give me a reason to put that bottle down and do something else besides look at the bottom of the bottle. Just to drag me out of the bars.

There were plenty of times I tried to think of other things to do besides to drink, but that call to drink was louder than anything else. No matter how hard I tried I could not get away from the bottle. Those were my darkest days, where I could only see from one drink to the next. Nothing else in my life mattered to me except where was I going to get the next drink from.

It was hard for me to stop drinking. I am not sure what made me do it. I just woke up one day and said enough was enough. I didn’t go to AA or anything like that. I will say it was really hard not to go to the bar, not to go get a case and drink. With times that urge to drink slowly became easier.

I am not sure how I did it, or anything. I am not sure if everyone can just stop cold turkey like I did. So if you know someone who is drinking their life away, try to get them away from that, give them something else to do. Don’t take no, maybe later for an answer.

A 5min call is all that is needed it could save someone’s life. It could mean the world to them. I know you can call any day anytime but I just thought everything else has a special day why not make something like this a little reminder.

I hope everyone has a good day.

God Bless!!

Together WE Can Save Lives! #TWCSL

Don’t ever give up!

Pull yourself up by the boot straps!

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Morning,

Well it is supposed to be a rainy day. Just glad I am out of the north it looks like they are going to get pounded.

My weekend was so so. I started to think about failure and everything I have failed out in my life. There are so many things I think I have failed at. It is not so much as what others think I have failed at, but more what I think I have failed at. I feel I can always be better at something and that counts as a failure to me.

I am not sure why I hold myself to such a high standard that I will never be able to reach. Yet I keep pushing myself to reach these goals. When I don’t reach these goals I get down on myself and I mean real hard. It hurts inside to be this rough on myself. I think and wonder if I would be better off not here at these times, because I keep telling myself over and over in my head that I am worthless and no good. That I need to try harder or give up on everything there is no middle ground for me.

I try to tell myself over and over to fail at something is a good thing. That is because you had to at least try to fail at something. Without trying you can’t fail at it. This helps me out some of the time, but of course there is always that time when it just means I get on myself even harder. It just adds fuel to the fire. You keep pushing for the perfection that you know you will never achieve yet you keep holding yourself higher and higher.

You know you are going to fail, no matter how hard you try but you don’t care. You demand yourself to keep going, keep raising the stakes, keep demanding more out of yourself, and keep pushing yourself to the limits of breaking.

It sucks putting so much pressure on yourself. They say there is no harder critique then yourself. That is so true and it sucks. I wish just once I could let myself be plain and accept the minimum but I won’t allow myself to do that.

I need to be perfect. Correction I demand perfection from myself. I demand to be the best at everything I do.

I was never like this until I came back from war. I am not sure what made me this way, or why I am this way. It is just added stress and pressure on myself. I wish I could let it go, I just don’t know how to do that.

God Bless!!

Hope everyone has a good Monday

Together WE Can Save Lives!! # TWCSL

Don’t give up on yourself!

Morning,

It is going to get cold today and rain maybe some freezing rain oh what fun it will be. I just hope everyone is safe and think when out on the road.

It is Friday we made it to the end of the week and another day. Some of us went through harder struggles then others to get here; the good part is we all made it to this point. We can now look back and think about what we went through to get to this point and learn from it.

I think we all should look back on each and every day and reflect how it was, what we can do to make it better, what we did to get through the rough spots. Without changing things in life we will get the same results. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expects it to be different.

I just learned that the VA is trying to change. They are coming up with a new system for the veterans. It is called my VA guess what it does….it is a system where all parts of the VA can talk to each other…Wow breaking news. It took the VA how long to realize this would be a good thing. I wonder how much they spent on making this system up.

Well at least it is a starting point. The question is now, will they actually use it? Will they get the word out about this and have veterans use the system? It seems like they put a lot of applications, programs, etc out there to help the veteran but they skip the part on telling the veteran about this system, or how to use it.

Now this whole system or whatever you want to call it has been out for a while….just no one ever used it because many people didn’t know about it. Or it just flat out sucked. I remember using it awhile back and I could not really do anything because it was slow and many errors.

Just like this whole VONAPP system they have out there to help the veteran submit a claim on the computer. How many veterans have tried to use this system? My gosh to do anything on it, you have to have patients, even then I get errors saying you can’t do this or that. Then to really see anything about your claim on the site you have to go to your local VA and request some sort of extra access. Really I can submit a claim yet I need to go get permission to see my own claim.

It seems like with every new director of the VA a new system comes out to help the veteran. Yet, they don’t tell the veteran about it or how it works or anything for that matter. Maybe they need to stop putting Band-Aids on things and actually try to help the veteran.

It is not like the veteran asks for much compared to what we offered the federal government. Not even just the federal government you think the state and local government would be more grateful to the veteran as well. It seems like the less you do the more grateful this country is too you.

Anyone have good plans for the weekend?

God Bless!!

Stay Strong!!

Together We Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Never Give UP!

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Morning,

Well it is starting to get cold again. It is supposed to only get into the 30’s tomorrow. What is up with Mother Nature? This back and forth with the temp is messing with my joints and sinus. Oh what fun it is.

Q: What do I mean about the tractor?

A: I bought a new tractor back in September it caught fire in November I am still trying to sort it out. I guess I called trying to figure out what is going on with it to much and they are pressing harassment charges on me.

This next question is a follow up from a prior question.

Q: When I told you about the person I know that I suspect has PTSD, What should I do just nothing but continue to hug him and tell him I love him and of course thank him for his service?

A: This is a hard one, because I don’t like hugs, or mushy stuff. Has he ever go for help with his PTSD? What makes you think he has PTSD?

It never hurts to always be there to support and just be there for someone no matter what. If you see they are having a bad day, back off a little bit, don’t push them to do anything, just watch them close and follow up with them each day following. Make sure they know you are there to support them and help them no matter what. It is a thin line you have to walk during the bad days. Always encourage them to see someone even their primary care doctor just to tell them how they are feeling and maybe they can recommend to them they seek further help. That way it is not coming from you per say. The first step is always the hardest to get them to open up and be willing to seek treatment. Sorry if this is confusing for you. Let me know if you have any other questions for this.

Q: The blog is a book?

A: Why do you guys want me to write a book? There are lots of people out there who have written books. I would rather just keep it here so it is live and pertains to what is going on right now. The thoughts are so random and all over the place it would not make since to put it into a book and I can’t expand on enough of a couple topics to make it into a book it would be 10 pages or less. No one would buy it.

Q: How is the hobby coming along?

A: Still trying to get things for it. Need to save up money to buy stuff before I can really start it. Anyone want to donate?

Q: Why do they put us with doctors that look like the ones in the sites during war?

A: Because they are the only ones that apply. Others are too smart to take a job with the VA and actually have a real medical degree. To be honest I am not sure why they do that.

Well that is all the questions I could find for this week.

Please Please remember to post on the blog and no where else. I want to see your comments and thoughts about what I write. If you post it anywhere else it will get lost in the hustle and bustle.

Please don’t be nervous or scared or anything to ask me a questions.

God Bless!!

Don’t EVER Give Up!!!!!!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!!!! #TWCSL

Pull Hard on those Boot Straps!

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Morning,

Well it is starting to get cold again. It is supposed to only get into the 30’s tomorrow. What is up with Mother Nature? This back and forth with the temp is messing with my joints and sinus. Oh what fun it is.

Q: What do I mean about the tractor?

A: I bought a new tractor back in September it caught fire in November I am still trying to sort it out. I guess I called trying to figure out what is going on with it to much and they are pressing harassment charges on me.

This next question is a follow up from a prior question.

Q: When I told you about the person I know that I suspect has PTSD, What should I do just nothing but continue to hug him and tell him I love him and of course thank him for his service?

A: This is a hard one, because I don’t like hugs, or mushy stuff. Has he ever go for help with his PTSD? What makes you think he has PTSD?

It never hurts to always be there to support and just be there for someone no matter what. If you see they are having a bad day, back off a little bit, don’t push them to do anything, just watch them close and follow up with them each day following. Make sure they know you are there to support them and help them no matter what. It is a thin line you have to walk during the bad days. Always encourage them to see someone even their primary care doctor just to tell them how they are feeling and maybe they can recommend to them they seek further help. That way it is not coming from you per say. The first step is always the hardest to get them to open up and be willing to seek treatment. Sorry if this is confusing for you. Let me know if you have any other questions for this.

Q: The blog is a book?

A: Why do you guys want me to write a book? There are lots of people out there who have written books. I would rather just keep it here so it is live and pertains to what is going on right now. The thoughts are so random and all over the place it would not make since to put it into a book and I can’t expand on enough of a couple topics to make it into a book it would be 10 pages or less. No one would buy it.

Q: How is the hobby coming along?

A: Still trying to get things for it. Need to save up money to buy stuff before I can really start it. Anyone want to donate?

Q: Why do they put us with doctors that look like the ones in the sites during war?

A: Because they are the only ones that apply. Others are too smart to take a job with the VA and actually have a real medical degree. To be honest I am not sure why they do that.

Well that is all the questions I could find for this week.

Please Please remember to post on the blog and no where else. I want to see your comments and thoughts about what I write. If you post it anywhere else it will get lost in the hustle and bustle.

Please don’t be nervous or scared or anything to ask me a questions.

God Bless!!

Don’t EVER Give Up!!!!!!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!!!! #TWCSL

Pull Hard on those Boot Straps!

Morning,

Sorry I have not written in a couple of days but I have been extra busy.

It has been a nice few days out in the 60s here…I am really enjoying that.

I have been thinking. I asked you all last week what you thought about the bill being passed on PTSD. It is all great that they passed the bill and there are tons of other bills named after this and that person out there. They can throw all the money at this they want. What I want to see is how are they going to spend all this money? Bills and regulations and everything else don’t mean jack unless you have a plan to use the money to help.

You can throw a trillion dollars at suicide prevention but there are a few things standing in the way.

1. The person has to admit there might be something wrong with them.
2. They have to want to get help and want to actually do it.

Nothing can happen until those two things are done. I would like to see the numbers on how many veterans were being treated at the time of their suicide. Maybe that is something they need to check on and train the professionals on taking care of the veteran and caring more about them.

I will be honest. I was going to a VA Dr. and got pissed off the one day. I think I wrote about it. When I opened the door to tell the people to shut the F up that were being really loud across the hall. Well the Dr. made me feel like shit. So I stormed out of the office. I never got a call to check up on me to see if I was ok. I will admit I she made me feel like such shit I was thinking about making that day my last one, but I called a friend and we worked things out.

With the VA you can go weeks and months between seeing someone, why don’t they have something in place to call and check on the veteran and if they have a bad appointment or a real emotional one they should have something in place to follow up with the veteran. Why not just make it where they call the veteran the next day no matter what to check up on them.

What will they do to get the veterans in to be seen sooner? Higher more people? Will they be quality or quantity?

What about the veteran who is out there that does not know he needs to get help? Or even where to get help?

It is not easy to be seen by the VA it is an uphill battle. Trust me I am talking from experience on that one. It seems like you need to give your left arm and 50 pieces of paper work. Yeah you can go to their ER if you are close to a VA hospital and then wait for gosh knows how long.

I just hope they think before they spend and they spend wisely and make sure people are getting help. I really hope this help the number go down, but I fear it won’t help at all because they will spend it on waste less stuff.

I wish people in charge and that are supposed to help the veteran actually care about them and not there just for the pay check.

God Bless!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Don’t ever give up!!

Keep pushing Forward!!

Morning,

Well the end of another work week. This week seemed like it would never end. It just kept dragging on and on and on. It is supposed to be a bit warmer for this weekend which is great! I just wish it would stay warmer and never go cold again. But that is just silly dreams.

Have you ever noticed that some people tweet or share things without really reading it? Let’s play a game and see who reads before they retweet or share it. I want you to put I did it! With the retweet or share that way I know you are just not trying to look like you support it but you actually did it.

It has been great to see all the comments on the blog keep them coming. I have been so busy lately I have not a gotten a chance to keep up on a regular basis with other things so this way I actually get to see what people are saying.

Anyone got any good plans for the weekend? I am not sure what I will be getting into this weekend. I will have to ask THE Wife on that one. It sucks when you struggle to remember simple things. I can’t even tell you what I had for dinner last night.

I am not sure what to write about today. My mind is totally blank.

Here is a question for you all. I want to start to read the bible to my daughter. What is a good children’s bible to read to her?

Do I have any woodworkers that follow me? Just wondering, because I might need some help down the road once I get this whole hobby thing up and going.

What do you all think about the stuff going on in Paris?

What do you think about the PTSD bill finally being passed?

What do you think about the terror defendant in Ohio?

Here is one for you many of you might not have saw.

On Tuesday of this week a veteran’s death sentence was upheld and he was put to death. He was convicted of shooting and killing a county sheriff. His lawyers tried to claim he was mentally ill and it was all due to his PTSD. What are your thoughts on that? The Army Times had a few stories about this but I can’t find them at the moment.

What are your thoughts on the soldiers coming back from West Africa and they are being quarantined for 21 days? One solder had emergency leave and was found dead outside his home. Thoughts?

Well I hope you liked the role reversal today. Can’t wait to hear what you all think about this.

God Bless!

Don’t EVER GIVE up!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!!! #TWCSL

Stay Strong!

Morning,

Well it is another cold day here on January 15, 2015. I wish it was spring. I wish I moved further south. Man I didn’t want to get out of bed today. It was a rough one. I woke up a couple times in a cold sweat. These are so much fun to wake up in. It feels like you already took a shower. A few times I thought I actually did take a shower and climbed back into bed. If you never woke up in one of these, trust me you are not missing out on a lot at all.

Well today is the day we sit down with our favorite beverage and I answer the questions from the past week or so and answer them truthfully and honestly as can be.

Q: Will I ever write a book?

A: Yeah sure I will get right on that. Come on people can barely follow my blog let alone read a whole book that will be so scattered and hard to read. Plus most of the time I just write what’s on my mind that day.

Q: Will I do public speaking?

A: Yeah not going to happen I hate talking to one person let alone a room filled with lots of people. I would not do it for a trillion dollars; I would be so crazy after the first time doing it I would not be able to spend the money. It is not for me. Plus other people out there are better speakers then me.

Q: Why don’t I go to the BBB about the company I got Hero from?

A: I did and I was told there is nothing they can do. It is a civil court matter. I am not even sure if the BBB is worth a penny. I asked them for help about the tractor and got nothing there also. What is the use of this organization?

Q: Why don’t I name the company I got Hero from?

A: Well I don’t want to have to battle them on any grounds. I keep tabs on them and if I see a veteran looking for a dog from them I will step in then. Plus if I name them, it will give them a chance to sue me for slander and such.

Q: Why don’t I go to my congressman, senator etc for help with the VA?

A: Because they are useless, they can’t really help with anything. They will pretend to help but it gets you nowhere. Plus why would I want treatment from them? They suck I swear they have doctors who barely know their own name. Just a waste of time if you ask me.

Q: How are you supposed to act or behave when talking to a veteran?

A: Just like you would with any other person. If we don’t answer a question don’t push us for a best friend that you know how they feel when they have cancer and you never had it? No, so don’t act like you know how we are if you never went through it. Most of it is common scene, just think before you ask someone something how you would react to something if you were in their shoes?

Q: Is change of emotions part of PTSD? I.E going from happy to angry without notice?

A: I hate to say this but yes it is. There are so many reasons this could happen.

1. Just a bad day for one reason or another.
2. Forgot meds or stopped taking them.
3. Bad time of the year
4. On edge for one reason or another.

Those are just a few reasons off the top of my head. I am not saying it is right or wrong for someone to lash out. I do it a lot but thankful my wife is very understanding and just lets it go a lot of the times. Don’t take it to heart. Just try and let it slide off you. Come back to that person in a few days to check up on them. Don’t let this stop you from caring about someone or something.

I think that is all of them for this week. If I missed any just shout at me and I will get them right away.

I have a favor to ask you all.

Can you please keep commenting on the blog page and also be sure to share this page with 5 of your friends every day. If you want to share more that would be great all I ask though is to make sure you share it with 5 people every day.

Thanks

God Bless!!

Together WE Can SAVE Lives #TWCSL

Don’t ever give up!

Keep fighting!

Morning,

Well it is a chilly one outside. On the plus side it is supposed to warm up as we get closer to the weekend. Which is great news; I would rather have the better weather on the weekend then during the week. That is just me though.

Ok I know I have said this many times before, I need you all to comment on the blog, not on twitter, email, or Facebook but on the blog. This way everyone can see it and I can always go back and reference to it if need be. Ok I read them when I am feeling down to get me a little pick me up or get me thinking about things. If you comment other places I can’t go back and read them plus not everyone will get to see them. So please comment on the blog and nowhere else. Thanks

Ok I heard a few people say this and it rubs me the wrong way sort of. People think committing suicide is a coward’s way out. Well it is not. When you are in that mind set of feeling like there is no other way and the pain is so great that nothing can save you, you tried everything you could think of and still not looking good. You don’t know everything that is going on in that person’s life. I think by saying that it is for cowards you are being very disrespectful not only to that person but to the family that has lost a loved one.

I am not saying at all that I promote suicide. I don’t think it is right. It is not fair to the people you leave behind when you take your own life. I have been their where I thought it was the best thing to do. I have been their when you felt there was no other way out. I have been there when you think this is for the better and no one will care if you are gone. I have been there fo0r that split second when you don’t hear anything except the voices in your head battling back and forth and the voices that are the loudest are the ones who think you should do it.

When you get to this point you don’t want to hear from anyone, you don’t want anyone around you. You think you know the right thing to do. You think you have thought everything through. You know who will get your life insurance; you know who will get everything you own. You think no one cares about you at all. You think people will be better off without having to deal with you.

Did you ever stop and think…………

Who will be there to walk your daughter down the aisle?

Who will be there to help your parents when they are older and need help doing everything?

Who will be there to support that friend that is going through the same thing as you?

Who will be there to comfort your friend when their parents pass away?

Who………………..?

It is not always about you! You might not think anyone cares, but let me tell you this…someone does care about you. You might not have ever seen that person or talked to them, but someone does care about you. Someone is there to support you when you walk through the darkest places. Someone is there to hold your hand and let you cry on their shoulder for as long as you need too.

You might have not met that person yet and you never will if you take your own life. You don’t know what you will miss out on. Yeah some of the things might be bad, but the good times will always outweigh the bad.

The feelings you are having at that moment and time are only temporary. Taking your own life is something you cannot change. It is a permanent solution. Don’t ever use a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I want you to take a deep breath. Walk away from everything the room etc. everything around you get a whole new environment for 2 hours. Don’t let yourself think about that stuff you left in the other room. If you start to think about that stuff I want you to call 1-800-273-8255Call: 1-800-273-8255. You can scream, cry anything you want to them. They will not judge you. They are there for you; they will support you on getting you help.

We are still at war; you can’t give up on this war and let the enemy win. You are not trained to fold! You are trained to keep fighting and win this war!

GOD BLESS!!!

Don’t EVER Give up!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives #TWCSL

Reach for that next min of life.

Morning,

Well it is not to bad outside minus the rain. But I would rather have rain then the S word.

Well today is Tuesday and you know what that means? It is Telephone Troop Tuesday. I hope you take the time today to call some current or former troops to say hello and just to check up on them. If you can invite them out for a walk or a cup of coffee, just to make sure they get out of the house for a bit. Plus don’t let them brush you off really quick. Try to have a good conversation with them to see how they really are.

You know what bugs me, when people use the handicap bathroom stall and the rest are empty but they pick that one just because it is bigger. I am not handicap but it gives Hero room to lie down. I know it is really not that big of a deal like parking in a handicap spot when you don’t have the sticker or such to do so. I just wish people would have the common courtesy that is all. Maybe I am just being anal about something that is not that big of a deal. Oh well I am allowed to say what I want and do what I want.

As I mentioned yesterday I am starting wood working. So Hero and I went into a local woodworking shop. The one guy there saw Hero and said he wished his son would get a dog like that. So we started talking and he told me about his son. The bad part was his son is in the denial stage right now. Been there done that for a long time. I think it is one of the hardest stages to get out of. It takes so much energy and everything to admit you have PTSD. It is scary because so much goes through your head. On the inside you think ok something might be wrong with me, but I can’t tell anyone about this.

How will they look at me after they find out? Will they still want to be around me?

Would they talk to me?

Will people disown me?

Will they take away all my rights?

All these questions and so much more go flying through your head. It is so hard to grasp. You don’t want to seek help because then people will know. You can’t take medications because people will wonder what they are for and start asking questions. What will you do?

Just because you get out of this stage once does not mean you won’t circle back around to it and slip into again even a few more times. You want to fight this whole thing and not admit that you are not the same as you use to be.

I think this is the stage that people are in when they take their own life, because they think they will never get out of it and they don’t want people to look down upon them. They think there is no other way out.

I hate to tell you this but you are wrong. Taking your own life is no way out. You hurt more people for a longer time by doing that then by admitting that to yourself and to others that you have PTSD.

Yeah some people might look at you strange, all because of these stereo types that people put on others. All because they can’t take the time to learn about this issue, they would rather label you and move on.

Those people don’t matter one little bit. Because no matter what you do you will never change their minds. They would rather be wrong and ignorant than take a few minutes to learn the truth. I say sucks to be them, let them be stupid.

It takes a lot to admit you have any kind of issue no matter what it is. Some of the time it takes more than other times.

Be strong!

God Bless!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Don’t Ever Give up!!

Pull yourself up by those boot straps!

One small step at a time.

Morning,

Anyone got a boat I could use, it seems like if it is not raining here it is cold. Today it is cold and rainy. Oh what fun, people in the south doesn’t know how to handle those two things together…so this will be fun.

I hope everyone enjoyed last week’s blogs not many of you commented on it at all. So I am not sure how it was received. I don’t always get a chance to look on twitter or email or Facebook to see comments that is why I ask if you want to comment please put it on the blog.

I wish it was time already to go home from work. I am tired and this weather outside does not help much it just seems on dreary days it takes longer to get going if you can get going at all. What can you do except to try and push past everything push down harder on the gas pedal inside and get going.

How was everyone’s weekend? Anything fun happen? Do anything exciting? Well I went and picked up some stuff to help me with a new hobby. I am going to start doing some wood working stuff and the wife is going to help. We might even sell it on the blog page so be on the lookout. It won’t be anything fancy to start out with, just some signs, birdhouses, bird feeders etc. Simple easy stuff to make and work up to harder stuff from there and see where things go. I am hoping this will allow me to do something to keep my mind from wondering off into the bad memory land. We shall see. If you have an idea you would like me to make for you shoot me an email and I will see what I can do. avetwithptsd@gmail.com

I am not sure if I want to comment on this whole thing in France on the “leaders” walking down the street arms locked or what. Eh, screw it I will. What does that show? Not a dang thing but an easy way to pick off a bunch of world leaders all at once as they pose for the camera. It does not show a dang thing. Words don’t mean jack, actions like that can be seen through by the common man. Why not show force stop playing around with these idiots and bomb them out of existence. I am sick and tired of people saying we need to do something and we end up doing a half ass job. We need to let the military do what they need to do. None of this handcuff political stuff. Just let the military handle it no cameras no outside parties etc. Just send the military and whatever they need and when they say they are done then bring them back. Stop holding them back.

I hated it so much when they wouldn’t allow us to do what we needed to do. Why do we need people that never served telling the ones who are trained to serve how to do their jobs? That is like asking a cake maker to go and do brain surgery. It is not going to turn out well at all. If you don’t know what you are talking about sit there and shut up.

Here is another thing for you civilians. Some of our troops are coming back from Africa; they have to have a 21 day quarantined so why don’t civilians have to do the same? If it is so safe and such to send our troops there and for others to fly here without question. You don’t see our troops pitching a fit about it. They have no choice to go there unlike a lot of other people and they have no choice on anything.

God Bless!!

Don’t EVER GIVE UP!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives! #TWCSL

Pull yourself up!!

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I want to start out and say thank you to everyone who donated to help me get Hero. It means a lot to me. He has been great for me, but it was not always that way. I am not sure if I was going to tell you everything but I always have been honest and straight forward not sugar coating anything. I will not use names or mention any company names in this though. Some of you might know where I got Hero from, so I ask you not to mention their names or business if you comment on this.

I started raising money for him I want to say around June 2013. I found out I had enough money to finally get him around October/November 2013. I could not wait, it seemed like it took forever to raise the money.

I want to say a special shout out to a few people who help me out greatly. I will not name names, but they know who they are. The people from the American Legion who put together the Chicken BBQ, the people who helped put together a bike ride and who set up auctions of jewelry to help me raise money.

Thanks to my mother for getting in contact with a few people at the local paper that did articles for me.
That put the word out which got people interested in helping me out. I am also a member of the masonic lodge and two good wonderful brothers went around to all the local lodges helping me raise money. Without these people I am not sure if I would have ever raised enough money to get Hero.

I found out October/November 2013 that I finally raised enough money to get a service dog; they said they had one in mind for me but kept changing which one they wanted to give to me. I thought I had some say in which one but I guess I was wrong even though their website said I did. Oh well I am happy with Hero.

I thought I did enough research on the organization to get my service dog from. They offered help with someone that was supposed to help me raise the funds, but they really didn’t do much but took credit for a lot of things. I felt like I was doing everything myself, I was going to have a golf event and spent a lot of money on getting flyers printed up, and taking them around also spending a lot of time on the phone with people trying to get things donated. Well that was canceled due to that the person who was supposed to be doing this stuff didn’t do anything and decided to cancel the event. I should have realized something at this point that things were not right with this company but it was too late to change my mind.

I finally got to meet my service dog January 13, 2014. The first time meeting Hero was amazing, it felt like this big huge pressure was lifted off my chest and I would not have to ever walk down this lonely dark tunnel alone. Before Hero, I drank myself to sleep. The zillion medications they had me on were not really helping I was still having all these ups and downs and all over the place. I was sick of the medications, I was sick of walking down the dark tunnel alone. Yeah I had a wife beside me but it is hard to open up and tell her every little bit of things and she could not always be there since she has work herself.

The week of training on site with the “training” staff was not worth my time really. They acted like they were doing me this huge favor. I had to pay for my own way down and back. I had to pay for my own hotel room while I was there. Granted I didn’t mind doing all this. I just wish the time I was there was used better. We would not start training for the day until around 9-930 and would stop training around lunch.

The first day was really a total waste. I got to touch Hero and that was about it. The second day I got to brush him and take him around this “course” once. The course is couple of cones shaped out to be a square you walk around that at different speeds, and then you put the dog in a down position behind a large tube and walk away for a few min. Then you have the dog go up on a “table” and have them in a down stay again walk away. That is the “course”. We were done for the day shortly after lunch.

Day two we went to a park and I got to do nothing, but watch this “trainer” work with my dog. Again we were done shortly after lunch. I started to really think what the heck is going on here. I asked the trainer when do I get to take Hero with me, since the trainer’s wife told me I could take him back to the hotel with me. Well I was told wrong, reason was he was too bonded to the trainer and I am not ready for that. Really you think that since I have not really done jack for training.

I went back to the hotel room thinking what the heck is going on here….is this really all the training I get. Day three I asked how Hero was going to help me with my PTSD; I was told we will get to that. We had a lot to do today….I was thinking alright this is where we get into some good stuff. Well we went around the “course” a few times. Then we went to the park, where I was told I get to handle Hero because I am such a great student and doing well this would not normally be happening just yet. Then lunch time came and training again was over.

Went back to the hotel room again, thinking…that was a lot of busy training? The trainer was prior military and he calls that a busy day. I was thinking come on, I am missing something here so far we have not done much of anything, and this is really getting on my nerves. But it was too late to turn back I have a lot invested into this already.

So day 4 again we didn’t start until 9-930ish. This is a late start of the day if you ask me. Well we did the “course” a few times today, and did a “test” going around the course while the trainer watches. Then we loaded up my truck and drove an hour to a beach area. As we drove I asked the “trainer” what Hero was trained to do to help me with my PTSD. I forget what his answer was but it was more like beating around the bush and not a direct answer. Well we worked for I want to say 30min then we stopped and got lunch and we were done for the day.

I was told that all I needed to do was to pick up Hero on Friday and I could be on my way home. Well I drove back to the hotel really confused and wondering what the hell did I get myself into. Why did I waste all this time and money? This has to be a joke. I have to be dreaming this is all the training I get. Why do they keep avoiding my questions?

Well Friday came I didn’t need to show up until 10 or so. Did a couple pictures and loaded Hero up and I was on my way back home. Again I asked about the PTSD and got some run around answer. By this time I was thinking just get the hell out of here and you will work through it one way or another.

I had a lot of time to think about everything I had an 8 hour drive back home. Man I was upset, but I thought we can do this we will work this out. Well a short time later I called the trainer and asked him about what Hero was trained to do when I have nightmares, flashbacks etc. and again you know it I got the run around and ignored. I also asked him why Hero was going to the bathroom in the house, I was told I need to keep him in the cage when I am not training him, or outside with him. I thought how the heck is he supposed to do his job if he is caged all the time?

Things just went downhill from there on out with this company. I wrote a blog and I guess the trainers wife who is also a trainer thought I was bashing them, I forget which blog it was I think is was a late January early February one in case you all want to go back and find it.

I was called up and told that I ruined the dog, I was not worthy of ever having a dog, and a lot of other words were used to degrade me and put me down. All this because I kept asking questions about how Hero was trained to help me with my PTSD. I was also told to bring the dog back to them right away. I said give me my $20,000 back and I will. Oh no that was not my money the dog was paid for by the money the non-profit raised. I said like hell am I bringing Hero back. I was then told that I would be hearing from his lawyer and they will come get the dog from me. I was thinking oh shit what did I get myself into. No way in heck am I going to give up that easy on something I busted my tail to get.

I waited and waited never heard a thing from this “trainer” or anyone connected to them in anyway what so ever to this day I got nothing which is fine by me. I dare them at any time to try and take Hero away from me. They will have the biggest fight ever had on their hands.

Well Hero was never properly trained to do anything but, sit, stay, heel and lay. He was not properly house broken when I got him. He was never in a house before, the “trainer” kept them in a kennel the whole time. Heck they didn’t even train him they got him from Europe and the people over there did all his training. Well I meet someone about a month or so after I raised all the money to get Hero who trained dogs for all different things. I thought he might be able to help me out, but why would he? It is not his dog. So I thought I would give it a shot and call him and see if he would be willing to help me out.

I first thought I can send Hero to him and he can properly train him and everything would be all good. Well that would be in the perfect world. He told me if I wanted to do that, it would cost me I forget the number he said. No way in heck could I afford to send Hero away for training. He did offer to help walk me through some stuff, tips and tricks etc. to get Hero properly trained for free. He just could not take on this project in person without getting paid. Which I totally understand that time is money deal.

So he walked me through a lot of things and spent a lot of time with me on the phone talking about everything I needed to do and how to do it. Which I am totally grateful for because without his help I am not sure what I would have done. So now Hero and I have slowly trained and helped each other out through this rough patch. He is also where I will be getting my next service dog from, not the place where I got Hero from.

The bond between Hero and I grow deeper and deeper. I am not sure what I did before I had him. Yes I still have medications I take but not as many as before and not as strong.

There are times when we go out, that it seems like a lot of people stare at us and whisper things to each other. At first this got to me and bugged me a lot over time though this does not bother me as much anymore.

Hero has helped me through a lot of rough days. There are days when I don’t feel like even getting out of bed to do anything but he makes sure I get out of bed to at least take him out to go potty. He is always there to give me a lick when I start to feel down and sad. He is also there to get my attention when I start to stress out or have flash backs. I am not going to tell you how many times he had to get my attention while I wrote this blog.

He even wakes me up when I have bad dreams. Just wish he would get a little quicker on that one. I still have some night sweats with him around but they are not as bad as they use to be. All because he is there to wake me up before they get to bad. He is there for me more than anyone could realize. He means so much to me.

When we first got paired up, the bond was ok you are here I am there type deal and watches from a distance. Now if I go outside or anywhere without even if it is a quick second out of his site he acts like I have been gone for years. It is kind of nice knowing that someone misses you that much. No the wife does not get that excited when I leave her site for a second nor do I really want her to go crazy like that. It is just different when a dog does it compared to being a stalking whack job if a human did it.

Hero knows how to give me some scares though. We had to get him fixed because his prostate was swollen that was a scare for a while hoping it would help and the swelling would go down. Then came these itchy spots that cost me a few hundred dollars each time he goes to get the medications and such. Right now I think we got that under control thank goodness. Other than those things he is a healthy 3 year old German shepherd that has more energy than I don’t know what. He does do a lot of things to make me laugh. Like how crazy he gets with a water hose, or when you kick up leaves in front of him he will chase and try to grab them.

He loves to play fetch, but he never brings it back to you unless you have something else to throw for him to go after. I am still trying to figure out how to get him to play fetch the right way. Just one of those simple things they would have had him trained to do already.

There are days when I don’t want to do anything but he will keep bugging me to play with him, he knows each time I feel better after I play with him. He also knows when I didn’t take my meds and he will keep bugging me and nudging me until I take them.

He is an amazing dog. He is my best friend. I can tell him anything and everything and he won’t change the way he looks at me or sees me. Somehow he knows just the right thing to do at the right time to do it to make me perk up a bit.

Come Aug of this year we had a baby girl. Hero is so great with her. He gets the spots on her that he thinks are dirty. He watches over her like a hawk. He is a great dog to have.

I am not sure how I made it this far in my life without him. I dread the day he will not be here with me. Everyone says that their dog is part of the family. Well Hero is not only part of my family but he is part of me. We do everything and go everywhere together. If you want to be friends with me you have to earn his respect and trust first. He makes sure that no one that tends to do harm to me gets close to me.

We like to go to Lowes and walk around just a place where he can be without his vest especially when it is raining outside. I think we go so much that everyone knows him. Even before that the people were always nice and friendly to us. So thank you Lowes for allowing us to come in without having to work. I used to not talk to anyone, or want to be around anyone. But with Hero I tend to feel safer and be able to talk to people.

It has been a long hard year from when we first started together till now. It took a lot of training and we still are training with each other to cover up the gap that he was not trained in before. I was not sure if we would ever get to this point in life, but I am glad he stuck with me and I stuck with him.

Before I make this go on forever and repeat myself, which I am sure I have already I will end this here.

I hope you all enjoyed and got a little insight.

God Bless!!!

Don’t Ever Give Up!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Pull yourself up by the boot straps.

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Come Aug of this year we had a baby girl. Hero is so great with her. He gets the spots on her that he thinks are dirty. He watches over her like a hawk. He is a great dog to have.

I am not sure how I made it this far in my life without him. I dread the day he will not be here with me. Everyone says that their dog is part of the family. Well Hero is not only part of my family but he is part of me. We do everything and go everywhere together. If you want to be friends with me you have to earn his respect and trust first. He makes sure that no one that tends to do harm to me gets close to me.

We like to go to Lowes and walk around just a place where he can be without his vest especially when it is raining outside. I think we go so much that everyone knows him. Even before that the people were always nice and friendly to us. So thank you Lowes for allowing us to come in without having to work. I used to not talk to anyone, or want to be around anyone. But with Hero I tend to feel safer and be able to talk to people.

It has been a long hard year from when we first started together till now. It took a lot of training and we still are training with each other to cover up the gap that he was not trained in before. I was not sure if we would ever get to this point in life, but I am glad he stuck with me and I stuck with him.

Before I make this go on forever and repeat myself, which I am sure I have already I will end this here.

I hope you all enjoyed and got a little insight.

God Bless!!!

Don’t Ever Give Up!!!

Together WE Can Save Lives!! #TWCSL

Pull yourself up by the boot straps.

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The bond between Hero and I grow deeper and deeper. I am not sure what I did before I had him. Yes I still have medications I take but not as many as before and not as strong.

There are times when we go out, that it seems like a lot of people stare at us and whisper things to each other. At first this got to me and bugged me a lot over time though this does not bother me as much anymore.

Hero has helped me through a lot of rough days. There are days when I don’t feel like even getting out of bed to do anything but he makes sure I get out of bed to at least take him out to go potty. He is always there to give me a lick when I start to feel down and sad. He is also there to get my attention when I start to stress out or have flash backs. I am not going to tell you how many times he had to get my attention while I wrote this blog.

He even wakes me up when I have bad dreams. Just wish he would get a little quicker on that one. I still have some night sweats with him around but they are not as bad as they use to be. All because he is there to wake me up before they get to bad. He is there for me more than anyone could realize. He means so much to me.

When we first got paired up, the bond was ok you are here I am there type deal and watches from a distance. Now if I go outside or anywhere without even if it is a quick second out of his site he acts like I have been gone for years. It is kind of nice knowing that someone misses you that much. No the wife does not get that excited when I leave her site for a second nor do I really want her to go crazy like that. It is just different when a dog does it compared to being a stalking whack job if a human did it.

Hero knows how to give me some scares though. We had to get him fixed because his prostate was swollen that was a scare for a while hoping it would help and the swelling would go down. Then came these itchy spots that cost me a few hundred dollars each time he goes to get the medications and such. Right now I think we got that under control thank goodness. Other than those things he is a healthy 3 year old German shepherd that has more energy than I don’t know what. He does do a lot of things to make me laugh. Like how crazy he gets with a water hose, or when you kick up leaves in front of him he will chase and try to grab them.

He loves to play fetch, but he never brings it back to you unless you have something else to throw for him to go after. I am still trying to figure out how to get him to play fetch the right way. Just one of those simple things they would have had him trained to do already.

There are days when I don’t want to do anything but he will keep bugging me to play with him, he knows each time I feel better after I play with him. He also knows when I didn’t take my meds and he will keep bugging me and nudging me until I take them.

He is an amazing dog. He is my best friend. I can tell him anything and everything and he won’t change the way he looks at me or sees me. Somehow he knows just the right thing to do at the right time to do it to make me perk up a bit.

I had a lot of time to think about everything I had an 8 hour drive back home. Man I was upset, but I thought we can do this we will work this out. Well a short time later I called the trainer and asked him about what Hero was trained to do when I have nightmares, flashbacks etc. and again you know it I got the run around and ignored. I also asked him why Hero was going to the bathroom in the house, I was told I need to keep him in the cage when I am not training him, or outside with him. I thought how the heck is he supposed to do his job if he is caged all the time?

Things just went downhill from there on out with this company. I wrote a blog and I guess the trainers wife who is also a trainer thought I was bashing them, I forget which blog it was I think is was a late January early February one in case you all want to go back and find it.

I was called up and told that I ruined the dog, I was not worthy of ever having a dog, and a lot of other words were used to degrade me and put me down. All this because I kept asking questions about how Hero was trained to help me with my PTSD. I was also told to bring the dog back to them right away. I said give me my $20,000 back and I will. Oh no that was not my money the dog was paid for by the money the non-profit raised. I said like hell am I bringing Hero back. I was then told that I would be hearing from his lawyer and they will come get the dog from me. I was thinking oh shit what did I get myself into. No way in heck am I going to give up that easy on something I busted my tail to get.

I waited and waited never heard a thing from this “trainer” or anyone connected to them in anyway what so ever to this day I got nothing which is fine by me. I dare them at any time to try and take Hero away from me. They will have the biggest fight ever had on their hands.

Well Hero was never properly trained to do anything but, sit, stay, heel and lay. He was not properly house broken when I got him. He was never in a house before, the “trainer” kept them in a kennel the whole time. Heck they didn’t even train him they got him from Europe and the people over there did all his training. Well I meet someone about a month or so after I raised all the money to get Hero who trained dogs for all different things. I thought he might be able to help me out, but why would he? It is not his dog. So I thought I would give it a shot and call him and see if he would be willing to help me out.

I first thought I can send Hero to him and he can properly train him and everything would be all good. Well that would be in the perfect world. He told me if I wanted to do that, it would cost me I forget the number he said. No way in heck could I afford to send Hero away for training. He did offer to help walk me through some stuff, tips and tricks etc. to get Hero properly trained for free. He just could not take on this project in person without getting paid. Which I totally understand that time is money deal.

So he walked me through a lot of things and spent a lot of time with me on the phone talking about everything I needed to do and how to do it. Which I am totally grateful for because without his help I am not sure what I would have done. So now Hero and I have slowly trained and helped each other out through this rough patch. He is also where I will be getting my next service dog from, not the place where I got Hero from.

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